Who is Making you that Angry?

Angry? Nah, nobody's angry. ;)

The written blog is a condensed version of the Video Blog;

Yesterday I had a chat with a friend who started off with “I’m so sick of _____ telling me what to do” followed up by “He just makes my blood boil” and “makes me sick to my stomach”. She capped it all off with “he knows how to push my buttons”.

Well of course, these are supposed to be metaphorical for being angry and upset but when stomach is upset, blood is boiling and the word ‘sick’ gets used twice to describe the feeling, someone’s bodily functions are in question. Lol

As it turns out, this guy didn’t get her to do what he wanted her to, but he did make her feel ill. So, she lost control of the situation either way. The phrase “he knows how to push my buttons” is the tell-tale part of that. Of course we all have things which have the potential of infuriating us. Hiccups do it for me because they take over and I lose control. :)

There has been an ongoing ‘argument’ about whether anger is useful. I have heard the debates, I have heard everyone’s reasons for when to get angry and when not to. One thing I don’t like is when it’s presumed ok to use getting angry as reason to get back something you really believe in. The reason I dislike it is because if you are really passionate about changing something you think is ‘immoral’, ‘ignorant’ or ‘wrong’, I feel it cross-cancels your cause and who your character is. I feel as though we are programmed to be angry. ‘Getting angry at injustice’ is a phrase I am annoyed by because injustice is very wrong and I would really agree, but I don’t like that the word ‘justice’ has been hijacked by the word ‘angry’ and taken on a trip around the world. I am a firm believer that problems can be solved without being angry. If real change is to happen, it won’t be anger that fixes it. It will be consolidated, intelligent action from loving, compassionate, passionate people coming together for the greater good and representing good. If we are to support bringing ‘goodness’ back, we should represent ‘goodness’ with good things.

If we think family has become divided, should we go out there representing family by using anger to try and get family values back or would it be better to show a good example of family and be a good example of family?

Let me go back to the phrase she used, “he knows how to push my buttons”. He seems to know what aggravates her, what annoys her, what makes her angry, what shuts her down and what debilitates her, but I still am not seeing healing taking place. We do this in relationships, at work, in politics and religion. We do this without children and neighbors. We seem to have become experts at knocking the chip off of someone’s shoulder, we know what part of a knee-cap to slam a baseball bat into. We know what kind of dialog will confuse the enemy but we don’t know how to practice peace.

So he knows how to make her shut down but I think it’s fair to say she knows how to receive the intended emotions. It’s become so classically obvious. He pushes the buttons…she falls into a heap on the floor.

“Same time tomorrow, hunny?”

“Sure! I’ll see it coming, I’ll recognize the dialog and I will crumple at the same place in our home.”

“Look forward to seeing you then.”

When we acknowledge someone knows how to push our buttons, isn’t this a realization that not only have they found the weak spot, but we actually HAVE the weak spot?

What I have done that seems to work for me is I have found my weak spots and started to strengthen them. If you have a crack in the foundation or a center beam ready to fold that is going to make the house fold, wouldn’t it be wise to get it fixed? Our bodies and souls are our house! Our own temple needs to be solid! Instead of trying to fix something we hate in the other person, wouldn’t it be wise to fix our cracks so their storms can’t blow us over like some little pig’s hay house?

I am recognizing the things which anger me but I am also realizing that making someone else angry doesn’t help, invite change or make them feel very good.

I’ve mentioned him before, but Frank Gryner is my role model in this area. I have known Frank for over 5 years now and he doesn’t require anger to get anything done in his life. He systematically deals with issues respectfully, compassionately and lovingly without getting hot-headed. Getting hot-headed to him means losing control of the situation and his emotions. It’s not even entertained as a means to get something done. He’s a good listener and makes good business decisions. He’ll tell you it’s because it is how adults should deal with problems. He doesn’t think he’s doing anything outside the norm at all. He doesn’t think he’s honed in on some new technique. He does things systematically and intelligently.

I do understand it’s a very popular thing to say anger can be helpful and I fully expect there to be lots of people respond with how helpful anger is. Let me put out that fire now by saying you most likely have many times in your life where anger worked for you in changing a situation. That’s your prerogative. I am pretty sure though, it’s not near as brilliant as Frank’s approach. ;)

I think emoting and invoking anger is one approach to solving problems. I just don’t feel like anger makes anyone feel good. I am hoping we can get past just trying to control and fix everything so we can rediscover relationships with each other again. That would ROCK! We can continue to fritter away our days and never really get to live or we can gain full control of our emotions so we can use them and channel them towards this greater good we keep threatening.

Working on my temper when the hiccups flare up,

Karen :)

“Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.” ~Louis L’Amour