My Soul is a Messy Painter

Some of the blog below is in the following video, plus typical Karen-style blithering... ;)

“Dreams are illustrations...from the book your soul is writing about you.” ~Marsha Norman

What an interesting concept that my soul should be writing things about me while I sleep.

I am at a place where I feel highly connected to my soul. I like to think I am in touch with my spirit. I don’t mean it in some bizarre new-agey way, I mean I don’t feel a disconnect between what my soul wants and how things are going. There is an accordance and friendship between us.

But I have recurring dreams. There are a few people specifically who I haven’t seen in a long time and they have significant roles in the “book my soul is writing about me”.

The reason I find this quote so compelling is because it is saying “from the book your soul is writing ABOUT you” not the book your soul is writing TO you. For many years we all have had massive discussions about what our dreams are TELLING us. But Marsha’s quote has me thinking both deeply, yet in a more simple fashion.

My soul is busy writing ABOUT me. How exciting is this!! Think about it; your soul is writing while your sleep, illustrating while you rest. They involve our adrenaline and our energy yet allow us to take a break while they take over. I find this extraordinarily exciting because this means my soul is not satisfied with the level of creativity I am at in a day. It doesn’t bother to ask me for permission; it is taking the bull by the horns and writing my book. It wishes I could be more involved, but goes forward anyways. I think this is the reason why dreams often don’t make sense. The soul doesn’t deal in the realm of logic like our waking moments where the brain is involved, it simply goes off on its own tangent, not necessarily making any sense but moving forward with boundless energy.

When a child plays, they don’t really think logically, they react playfully. Our dreams do this too. The imagination goes off and plays, jumps rooms, buildings, time and space, universes perhaps.

This is a huge revelation for me. It means I don’t have wake up and decipher every moment and I don’t have to pull out every dream book to figure out what my dreams are TELLING me.

Like a little child, we can sit on a sofa and watch them play while we flip channels. Every so often, we intercept to add some order and logic but we can’t control every illogical action in their day. They are there figuring it out, playing, grabbing life, learning and discovering. Society likes having order…and of course some is needed. But a law has never been put in place saying we should sit on a couch and flip channels. That is our own program.

I think dreams aren’t there to do the job of a gypsy with a crystal ball. A person can drive themselves batty reading countless books on what dreams mean.

Maybe dreams mean that our inner child is alive. Like the child, it has good days, bad days, bouts of fit and frustration, sadness, fear. Sometimes they need us to be involved, sometimes they need to be left alone to play.

I am starting to think the disconnect between my dreams and reality is my unwillingness to play. Some people will suggest lucid dreaming etc where you can actually involve yourself in the dream. Well, this is all good and fine…but what if your days are still mundane and completely boring compared to your dreams? Are we so busy looking for some of our life to be exciting to offset the bland times? Should we continue taking drugs, go through hypnosis and drink ourselves into a state of ecstasy at night to make our dreams really super interactive? Doesn’t this newly found rainbow at night only bring darker clouds to the day?

What if like the playful child, we actually took our shoes off during the day and ran through mud? What if while raking the leaves, we made a big pile and jumped into it from a tall tree? What if we put on a snowsuit and made snow angels?

My point (and I do have one…lol) is there has to be a way that we can make our days MORE exciting and MORE enjoyable than our dreams. Exciting dreams and fantasies can be super fun. But waking up to a brown room can take the wind out of our sails. For me, I used to like my dreams more than my days. That can be dangerous. It can throw you back into bed again.

Maybe we don’t want our days as exciting as our dreams. But certainly we can strive to make them more enjoyable.

I am working towards alleviating my soul a bit so it won’t be so confused while writing our book and maybe then I can partner with it instead of giving it all the work.

I do like that it’s just another way our inner child is calling us to the spirit of play.

Painting my own stars on my ceiling …and writing my own story in the dirt,

Karen :)

“People do think that if they avoid the truth, it might change to something better before they have to hear it.” ~Marsha Norman

Why is our Heart the First to Die?

Dreams of course never make perfect sense and I am not into dream dissection really. I am more of the mind that things throughout my day can influence them or we dream because the brain just needs to keep functioning. I have however had bizarre instances throughout my life come true, I really don’t care if they are a superpower or coincidence, ‘cause I simply don’t care enough. Like, one time I had a dream where I met Jane Lynch and two weeks later when I took my cat, ‘Filthy’ to the Vet, she was in there with her dog…some things in life are just weird.

Last night’s dream was a combination of watching an episode of Dexter before bed and the film "Up" earlier this week …plus visiting my Gramma in the nursing home around Christmas.

I was at a picnic with an odd assortment of people. Some I used to work with, some people I’ve seen on TV…I even think Adam Lambert was there. Lol It was a good sunny day and someone yelled, "He has a gun!" Well, I looked over and it was my Grandpa (My mom’s dad, who actually died years and years ago) I approached him and said, "Grandpa, why are you doing this?" he kept warning me to not come any closer. Grandpa had a really thick head of snowy white hair and dark glasses much like the main character in "Up" (which if you haven’t seen, I would recommend it…I usually don’t like Shrek-y looking animation, but the sets and scene plus story was marvelous) I finally got my arm around him and managed to take the gun from him when I asked, "Do you miss Gramma?" (which is ridiculous because it’s Gramma who is 90 and in the nursing home now) He nodded and said, "Yes." I hugged him and heard myself say,

"Why is our heart the first to die, when it should be the last?"

I woke up shortly after that and lied in bed for a long time thinking about it. Of course the breaking of a heart is symbolic; our heart chambers don’t actually explode when someone we love dies. But I thought of how many elderly people have had their hearts broken when their spouse’s heart attack killed them.

I don’t want to ruin "Up" for you if you haven’t seen it, but I love the idea that the writer(s) noticed that for many old people that their bodies may be aging, but they still have a spirit that wants to explore and discover after they lose someone.

As reality is kicking in here this morning, I am thinking about Gramma lying quite lifeless in the nursing home. I wonder during her many naps how many adventures she is going on in her dreams. Did she and Grandpa have some retirement plans that they never got to do? How does she internally see life now? Does she have many significant regrets?

And for the rest of us, how do we avoid those regrets? Is each chapter that closes in our life really the beginning of a new one? Are we strong enough to view it that way?

For me, I am just continuing to watch for where my purpose is. I used to think there was a big purpose for me, but maybe it’s a string of little ones and what I need to do is blur the breaking of the lines in between chapters, recognizing my heart has been broken but it isn’t dead until it’s dead.

Think I shall go dig for treasures at the Swap Meet today. The sun in LA finally came out after a flooded week.

Go enjoy your weekend!!
Karen :)

"People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."
~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

I Had My Heart Set On It

My season so far has been unusual. For the most part it’s been good. Travelling around is harder in bad weather but you can kind of pick and choose a bit when you go.

I realized throughout this holiday how nomadic I am. Years back I did a mass exodus of most of my belongings and my dresser drawer is down to two. While travelling, I take a laptop and a backpack. I don’t own a home and my parents are both gone, so there isn’t a main family home to visit.

For a few years now, I have been looking at old buildings and churches with the thought of buying one to live in at some point. There was one I really loved and it sold, but the funny part is that I didn’t feel any disappointment. For about 5 seconds I thought, aw…that’s too bad…then I moved on. See, I have changed my entire perception about things. For many years, things dictated where I would stay, what job offers I would take and where I would live…but it was so freeing to consolidate how I did and now I feel like I am not too far away from being ok with buying a place to call home. I actually think I could buy a home, furnish it, and lose it all and still be ok with it because of my new perception of "things".

I was telling this to a friend who said she lost a home to another buyer (as though it was already hers to begin with) and she said, "Ya know…I just had my heart set on it." I believe this thought can stop us from looking for what is in front of us. It’s a sure way to experience disappointment and we seem to teach it to children young. Children at this time of year experience it with gifts. It’s nice to have some ideas about things, but should you really invest your heart in it?

Then it got me thinking about how I have had my heart set on people too. Talk about MAJOR disappointment. Is it not better to be open to the idea that something won’t come for us and someone won’t be there for us?

Fixating my heart in either scenario not only sets me up for disappointment but takes my eye off of the beautiful surprises life offers. It reminds me of when my driving instructor asked me to keep my eye further down the road than on the hood of my car.

I feel really wide-eyed and ready for what is next. If a cheap church or century home comes up and I am struck with the idea of getting it, I will…but I am more concerned if that is where I am supposed to be at the time according to the bigger plan that is waiting for me.

I won’t lie to you though, I could certainly make a lot more noise in it than an apartment. ;)

Just gotta be open to what comes my way.

I apologize for my really horrible reply time to emails, internet is questionable in my travels.

Much love on all of you this holiday season!

Karen :)

"Dreaming is one thing, and working towards the dream is one thing, but working with expectations in mind is very self-defeating." ~Michael Landon