Is Your World Spiraling out of Control?

‘As it turns out, the world isn’t spinning, I am.’ That was a funny realization I came to not that long ago.

It essentially goes against the laws of nature, but it’s meant to be metaphorical. I don’t actually think the world is perfectly still. In fact, the world is working in a frenzied state all the time, but it doesn’t really offer up anything too unpredictable overall. There seems to be cause and effect for just about everything.

While I think the world operates in such a way to continue its existence with all the necessary volcanic eruptions and crazy weather patterns, it isn’t out to get me or to test me. It isn’t on the same wave of thought as I am in and doesn’t actually have a personal agenda to see me fail.

People on the other hand are full of agendas; conflicting agendas, selfish agendas, hateful hearts and are looking out for number one. It’s easy to think therefore that the world (people) are out to get me or that a big spirit in the sky is trying to test me.

The thing about being chased, if you don’t want to be caught, you won’t be caught. If someone tries to anger us and we don’t allow it, we can’t be angered. We are not in control of the world or people in it, but I believe we do have control over one thing; our reaction.

How we react to being punched is the key to surviving the hit. If you have ever taken any kind of martial arts class, you will know there is a fine art in learning how to block someone’s hit, but you also learn how to fall if you have to take one. It covers the bases. The smart thing would obviously be to not walk the dark alley where gunmen can hunt you, but in the event you wind up there, you kind of have to be equipped to defend yourself and fall elegantly in order not to break anything.

The world however has been known to break into our homes; you know, the place where we think we have peace…the place where we are minding our own business. Our spirits should be prepared for that to.

The thing I am learning especially lately when all my technology (which is what I rely on for work) is breaking down is that the only way to come to a solution is to be perfectly calm and incorporate systematic solutions one by one with zero emotion attached. As soon as we allow our emotions to spin out of control, we just added a problem onto our pile which will not allow any other problem to get fixed. It will always be number one on the list. When we become emotional over a massive snag in our life, it’s imperative to get a rein on that first so it doesn’t cloud the intelligent judgment which is needed to come up with a solution. I see this in too many places where real problems have been replaced by emotions which not only get in the way of solutions, but actually amplify the problem to a level where we can’t even begin to find a solution. The problem becomes insurmountable.

Generally, solution-oriented people are not overwhelmed. They might be overworked, but not utterly snowed under by it all.

The biggest hurdle is to gain perspective of our own environment. I’ve talked about how my dad used to fly above our farm and would say certain problems were not problems if he couldn’t see them from hundreds of feet. That is perspective. When satellite images zoom way out from our kitchen table like I have mentioned before, we gain perspective on our place in the universe. When you stand one feet away from your art, you can’t gain perspective until you move 15 feet back. It’s the same as when I mentioned about cutting hair for years. I could tell if my cut was straight until I stood back.

This is difficult to do when we are hurting or being attacked. Unless the gunman is on a roof a city block away, there’s a chance you have to fight off the attacker who is within inches of your face. It’s difficult to gain a wider perspective when they are so close.

How do we do this? Oh geeze, I have no idea. Ha! I would suspect we have to react in such a way that makes it seem like the problem is smaller or farther away from us than it actually is. Gaining a perspective inside us that could be one-size-fits-all perspective seems unreasonable, but maybe it’s what we need. If I can apply ‘act accordingly’ instead of ‘react quickly’ that might be a good start. Maybe the best combo is ‘act quickly’ or ‘react accordingly’.

All in all, the thing which seems to be working for me so far (and I say ‘so far’ because who knows how I will react next time) is to detach the emotional aspect. If I have a task to do, I need to do it without added emotional strain. ‘Action is the antidote to despair’ still rings loudly in my ears.’ Generally, life has a huge list of complications, tasks, jobs and hurdles. It will ALWAYS be this way. I believe we can get to the first job on the list if we cross, ‘Get really, really upset’ off the list. Nothing else will ever fall into place when that is taking the number one position.

Loving systematically,

Karen

“It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.” ~Wayne Dyer

Quit Trying to Fix Me!

“Not all who wander are lost.”~J.R.R. Tolkien

Well, there’s a guy who clearly had the imagination to wander happily through life. Are you a Happy Wanderer?

We talk a lot about either being exuberantly joyful cart-wheeling through this world or we feel very isolated and lost (insert a whole bunch of people saying, “uh, who’s joyful?”) but what about the happy wanderers in between?

I saw a simple status update on someone’s page today that said, “Quit trying to fix me!” Well, I’m not sure who it was directed towards, but I think the statement was exasperated whatever the scenario.

I think a statement like that can either mean they don’t need fixing or they don’t want fixing. But I couldn’t help but wonder what sparked it.

Why would a person need to express that so colorfully? I could’ve asked point-blank but instead I would rather think about it. Well, anything I say will obviously be a speculation and my sleuth-y tendency is just going to investigate anyways. ;)

I tried to look back on times I felt this way. There were a few times that encompassed my feelings. One was where I was actually broken and the other was where they were. Either way, my view on it is that nobody should try to fix anyone. It’s an obscene form of control.

The thing is, she didn’t say, “Quit trying to control me” she said “fix me”. I guess the person opposite her has come up with solutions. She didn’t say “Quit trying to fix my problems” she said “fix me”. I had people hand me therapist phone numbers and recommended meds. I had people try to set me up with job interviews and hand me the classifieds. If you don’t ask for help like that, it’s immediately insulting to be told to go do something. If you are in a loving relationship or friendship, recommendations can come off as helpful but a loving person won’t try to inflict control on you, they will make you feel loved and address the solutions in a loving way.

Clearly, this girl was not feeling loved. She felt controlled. I don’t think her actions were being restricted rather I feel like her character was taking a personal insult.

Now I do not condone anyone trying to fix someone else, I think it’s wrong and controlling, but what I did do was did a healthy assessment of what was going on with me to determine if I actually did require fixing (I just secretly didn’t let them know it) If someone is feeling strongly that something about me is interfering with their world, it’s my responsibility to assess if I actually am without taking too much time and do my part. If I am verbally abusive towards someone and they are trying to fix me, I would deserve that but only if it was infringing on their life. Even then, trying to fix me is not the proper route to take anyways.

I have been trying diligently to always assess my part of the blame. It’s easy to become fixed on them trying to control me and it takes my eye off the ball which is working on my own character.

I am sincerely hoping this girl is able to get refocused on what truly matters. So what if someone is trying to fix you? Why do you give it so much attention? They didn’t succeed in making us ‘all better now’ but they certainly did distract us from the journey we are allowed to go on and quite frankly, that we need to go on FOR our healing. I believe it goes back to letting someone inside your head too much. It’s once again, as I have mentioned, incredibly damaging to our spirit.

It is a good reminder for any of us who are exhausted by the behavior of those around us. Sometimes people have to wander around in the muck to figure it out. We have to be cautious if it interferes with our own well-being but for the most part, people have the right to screw up and learn from it.

I figure I had to suffer through all my crap, why shouldn’t everyone else. LOL

Seriously though, control is so damaging that it actually takes away the goal of control to begin with. You start off trying to change or fix someone and then it turns into them hating you more. That sucks.

The only thing I hope to fix is a guitar case so the acoustic fits better.

Covering the floor in snowy bits of Styrofoam to remind me of home,

Karen J

“Deficiency motivation doesn't work. It will lead to a life-long pursuit of try to fix me. Learn to appreciate what you have and where and who you are.” ~Wayne Dyer

Is Your Flower Dead?

...or wilting?

The following video blog contains some of the written blog as well for those who prefer reading;

“There is nothing wrong with God’s creation. Mystery and Suffering only exist in the mind…” ~Ramana Maharshi

I was thinking of some potential dialog as a man asking a boy;

“Do you know how to make a flower?”

The boy says, “Sure, you plant a seed in the ground.”

The man responds, “Is that it?”

The boy adds, “Well, you have to plant it in the sun and make sure you water it.”

That seems to be the end of the analogy we are used to hearing. But let me add onto it;

The man asks, “Do you tell everyone you are responsible for making that flower?”

The boy says, “Yes, of course, if I worked hard to grow it, I will tell everyone.”

The man speaks softly and says, “Did I ask you if you grew it?”

The boy looks confused, “Wasn’t that the question?”

The man laughs, “No I asked you if you knew how to make a flower.”

The funny thing is we do this a lot in life where we exclude the spirit, creator, world or people around us in the things which go well in our life and the things which go wrong. We are also quick to blame something external if our flower died.

In reading Ramana’s quote, it spurs a ton of thought. “There is nothing wrong with God’s creation.” Well, even if you don’t believe someone made the earth, it’s hard to argue that it is wonderfully put together. If you have ever visited all the wonders of the world or gone for a simple walk in the bush, you’ll most likely understand the earth is very cool.

It’s difficult to agree with the entire quote even though I am always thankful when anything causes me to think. In the same way a quote I don’t necessarily agree with can spur thought, I have come to understand I can view the world as being dynamically put together. Mystery may only be in the mind for all I know, maybe the answers are waiting for us if we aren’t lazy enough to look. Suffering could be optional or it could be real. I think pain is real perhaps, suffering is optional like suggested.

The bigger idea behind the whole quote is the thought that we place the blame on things which have been here for years. In the conversation I constructed above, I was giving an analogy of how we forget to thank the external sources, but so often we place blame on them like the first part of Ramana’s quote.

“The world sucks” has become a very popular saying. I don’t believe the world sucks. Placing blame on the world or anyone in it may have assisted in our fall, but we were part of it even if by 1%.

I also don’t believe this attitude happens the other way around where we become truly thankful when good things happen. We celebrate with alcohol and festivities. We stand on podiums saying how awesome we are. We proclaim things like “I did it!” There is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself, but be sure like the flower, you didn’t get there all by yourself. You can at least thank the ground you walked on if you can’t muster up thanks for anyone else.

I also feel that like the flower, we are only responsible for the parts we can control. You don’t have to stuff a bunch of information inside a seed. It reminds me of when I have to fly somewhere. I remember Frank and I flying to NY from LA to work on a record there. I was complaining about how agitated I was and my legs were crowded. He looks at me and says, “I love to fly. I don’t have to do anything. The phones aren’t ringing and guess what? I don’t have to fly the plane either. Imagine if you had to stay awake and alert and were responsible for getting everyone safely across the country. You have no responsibility here.”

I think I understand what Ramana was saying in his quote although I think it’s multi-tiered. We can relieve ourselves of the responsibility, give credit where it is due, we can quit blaming everyone and everything around us and we can view our own suffering as optional.

I do love things that cause me to think deeply. I think this particular one helps me to let go of the control a bit and enjoy the information like what is inside the seed that I was not responsible for.

I believe if we slot ourselves into the world as opposed to forcing it into a shape which isn’t in alignment; we can not only breathe better, but actually begin to enjoy life instead of hating it so much.

Hope you are loving life and if you don’t, does something seem out of your control? Can you let go of it?

If your flower has died, was it your flower to begin with? Is it possible the life of that flower is only so long? Are there any seeds in it you can replant? Can you make art from the dead parts?

Pressing leaves in a book,

Karen :)

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” ~Henry Ellis

What Are You Stewing Over?

The written blog is an overview of the Video. The Video has more blithering nonsense from me. ;)

“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.” ~Mark Twain

I’ve been enjoying reading Mark Twain lately. When I feel especially detached from the things going on in the world, I strangely find comfort in the authors of yesteryears.

When I was a little girl, we had probably 50 stray cats on our farm at any given time. I know cats. I don’t know much else in life, but I knew enough not to try and carry one by its tail. It’s a perfect example of how to gain everlasting experience.

What I did do though is put the entire palm of my hand on a bright orange burner on the stovetop. Needless to say, I am very savvy in the kitchen now. The blisters formed identical circles. I was fortunate it healed, but I will never ever forget it.

I am especially sensitive to children near stoves because of it. I am an authority on the matter now!

It’s really tough to watch other people go for the burner or the cat’s tail and not interfere. If I think someone is going to injure themselves, I will absolutely yell at them. It’s like your child running on the road. You aren’t going to take the approach that they should just learn their own lesson.

But sometimes I find it difficult to leave people to their own lessons in matters of the heart. I am continuously screwing up and watching myself fall, but there are things I have experienced which I wish I could save others from having to go through. It’s part of why I blog on the topic of Depression and Isolation so much. It ruined such an enormous part of my life that I want to save others from going through it. I have learned to give up trying to control situations though. Control comes from either feeling out of control in your own life so you want to control someone else’s or you see someone going down a rough patch and you want to save them from it…especially when they seem, really out of control themselves.

I still find myself looking for solutions for those around me. This heavy stuff on my mind this week has been stewing a bit more than usual. The problem is I can’t get home right now for a bunch of reasons and I feel the emotional pull. I will go back soon but I need to get clear on my role. I still get hurled back to trying to find solutions for everyone especially since Mom is gone and it seems like the cubs are all fending for themselves. I keep forgetting I am also one of the cubs. So like them, I can alert the others to danger without Momma Bear around, but ultimately, we all have to go through our own struggles. This sits heavy with me. I totally know the right approach and yet here I am filled up with the heaviness of it all. It’s because I love them so much.

Worry isn’t proactive and isn’t helpful. It’s indicative of caring, but that’s about it. Stewing over the things back home doesn’t do anything. It’s just making me feel heavier.

Some of the things I mentioned feel like a child running across the street. Some life lessons shouldn’t end in death like the possible outcome of a car accident or what could have happened with this suicide attempt I alluded to. They indeed have the massive potential of instilling some lessons, but not everyone’s bottom is at the same depth.

I need to remind myself this week that my job is to keep in touch and show lots of love. I have to do it from a distance for now, but I’ll see them soon.

The biggest thing I am learning is how I need to give myself permission to let go a bit.

Life is super tough, but it’s not my responsibility to steer it. I have to realize the fine line between something being my responsibility or problem and keeping a good grip on my compassion. This is the balancing act. Too many people shut off their emotions altogether in order to not deal with something. I am unwilling to give up compassion.

Wearing oven mitts around the cat,

Karen :)

“Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.” ~Leo Buscaglia