Quit Trying to Fix Me!

“Not all who wander are lost.”~J.R.R. Tolkien

Well, there’s a guy who clearly had the imagination to wander happily through life. Are you a Happy Wanderer?

We talk a lot about either being exuberantly joyful cart-wheeling through this world or we feel very isolated and lost (insert a whole bunch of people saying, “uh, who’s joyful?”) but what about the happy wanderers in between?

I saw a simple status update on someone’s page today that said, “Quit trying to fix me!” Well, I’m not sure who it was directed towards, but I think the statement was exasperated whatever the scenario.

I think a statement like that can either mean they don’t need fixing or they don’t want fixing. But I couldn’t help but wonder what sparked it.

Why would a person need to express that so colorfully? I could’ve asked point-blank but instead I would rather think about it. Well, anything I say will obviously be a speculation and my sleuth-y tendency is just going to investigate anyways. ;)

I tried to look back on times I felt this way. There were a few times that encompassed my feelings. One was where I was actually broken and the other was where they were. Either way, my view on it is that nobody should try to fix anyone. It’s an obscene form of control.

The thing is, she didn’t say, “Quit trying to control me” she said “fix me”. I guess the person opposite her has come up with solutions. She didn’t say “Quit trying to fix my problems” she said “fix me”. I had people hand me therapist phone numbers and recommended meds. I had people try to set me up with job interviews and hand me the classifieds. If you don’t ask for help like that, it’s immediately insulting to be told to go do something. If you are in a loving relationship or friendship, recommendations can come off as helpful but a loving person won’t try to inflict control on you, they will make you feel loved and address the solutions in a loving way.

Clearly, this girl was not feeling loved. She felt controlled. I don’t think her actions were being restricted rather I feel like her character was taking a personal insult.

Now I do not condone anyone trying to fix someone else, I think it’s wrong and controlling, but what I did do was did a healthy assessment of what was going on with me to determine if I actually did require fixing (I just secretly didn’t let them know it) If someone is feeling strongly that something about me is interfering with their world, it’s my responsibility to assess if I actually am without taking too much time and do my part. If I am verbally abusive towards someone and they are trying to fix me, I would deserve that but only if it was infringing on their life. Even then, trying to fix me is not the proper route to take anyways.

I have been trying diligently to always assess my part of the blame. It’s easy to become fixed on them trying to control me and it takes my eye off the ball which is working on my own character.

I am sincerely hoping this girl is able to get refocused on what truly matters. So what if someone is trying to fix you? Why do you give it so much attention? They didn’t succeed in making us ‘all better now’ but they certainly did distract us from the journey we are allowed to go on and quite frankly, that we need to go on FOR our healing. I believe it goes back to letting someone inside your head too much. It’s once again, as I have mentioned, incredibly damaging to our spirit.

It is a good reminder for any of us who are exhausted by the behavior of those around us. Sometimes people have to wander around in the muck to figure it out. We have to be cautious if it interferes with our own well-being but for the most part, people have the right to screw up and learn from it.

I figure I had to suffer through all my crap, why shouldn’t everyone else. LOL

Seriously though, control is so damaging that it actually takes away the goal of control to begin with. You start off trying to change or fix someone and then it turns into them hating you more. That sucks.

The only thing I hope to fix is a guitar case so the acoustic fits better.

Covering the floor in snowy bits of Styrofoam to remind me of home,

Karen J

“Deficiency motivation doesn't work. It will lead to a life-long pursuit of try to fix me. Learn to appreciate what you have and where and who you are.” ~Wayne Dyer