Passion

This was originally posted at thepublicrecord.com/Stever in the Video Blog area there.

Part of the blog is in text below for those of you who prefer that. ;)

I saw an old ad online for Elizabeth Taylor’s Passion Perfume. It seemed like a migraine in a bottle to me. Most perfumes do that. I have learned to appreciate the smell of a breeze, well not in the city of course, but if you go to the ocean, the breeze entices us. It almost bullies us into submission.

I grew up around lakes and streams though, where the breeze was just faint enough to lure you into investigation. To me, that is what a scent should do. It should make you want more and should make you want to explore. I also like scents that are appropriate and indicative of the surroundings. I would prefer something be delicately represented rather than overwhelm a room in an attempt to control. Too many planted scents on us and around us force a reaction instead of encouraging exploration.

Suffice to say, I think tacking the word ‘Passion’ on at the front of Perfume is ridiculous. Are you trying to sell us on the idea that your perfume will make someone passionate? It’s overkill to misuse such a fantastic word.

Passion is way too dimensional to just insinuate the one meaning. Could it be part of the culmination of feelings? Absolutely! But ‘boy meets girl, boy smells girl, boy wakes up next to girl’ isn’t what ignited and then sustained the night of passion. If they truly did experience this once in a lifetime event as the ad would have you believe, there’s a good chance there were some underlying factors.

By definition, the word has several meanings. I recognize this! Passion can mean lust and desire or strong love, but can also mean strong hate. It can mean having an outburst of emotion.

My favorite meaning is; ‘a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm or desire for anything.’ They gave the example; a passion for music. Well, of course, that is my favorite meaning.

Do you know why it’s the perfect example and why I think people will use it to explain their desire to make music or even listen to music? Because I believe the multi-tiered meaning of passion is right on par with the perpetual journey of music. It’s no wonder that sparks will fly exponentially between artists and musicians because now you’ve ignited a passion in two souls whose multidimensional journeys have met at the intersecting point on the graph. Now add extra elements onto your graph so its 3rd and 4th dimensions come in and your passion is explosive.

What dimensions can we add to heighten the passion? Well of course there are stimulants like alcohol and drugs, but what if you are going for the sustainable high? Why does our passion come and go like the seasons? I believe it’s because it’s generally based on something as thin as paper and inspired by a perfume ad.

We tend to hate music without depth. I hear it a lot from people. If they hate the music on the radio, it’s generally because it’s produced for the masses with monetary intentions. So what is it about the music we love that inspires us so much? Most people will say, “I love it because it has depth.”

What are the third and fourth dimensions? We want to know there was a story behind it. More than that, we want to know there is a person behind it. Go list your top 10 favorite artists of all time and I bet you know something about them. There is a background that they either shared with everyone, the news shared with everyone or even better, their lyrics shared with you.

If lyrics have the ability to translate an individual’s passion, it’s pretty indisputable. There are certain visual artists and musicians in the world who undeniably rank as the passionate ones. You know them, not because you’ve dissected them but because you have lived vicariously through them. Their passion is like the breeze. They don’t get in your face and force you to love them, you love them because their breeze was faint enough to entice you into investigation. When we feel drawn to someone, it’s generally because of our intrigue, that initial scent. But the depth of water which meets us around the corner could be a muddy puddle or it could be the high tide which washes over us and we ride the wave of their power.

Passion does have several tiers, but the one I want to be part of is the culmination of all of them. I don’t want a single dimension which leaves me depressed and disappointed.

I think many of us feel this way. Our passion for something we love comes and goes. I think the only way we can sustain it is by throwing our complete self into it; our vulnerable side, our anger, our love, our courage. If there is something you love, you should do it even if nobody sees you. If you are frustrated that nobody sees you, is it possible that too many things are distracting you in your peripheral vision? Caring what someone on the outside thinks takes you out of the headspace needed to fulfill your art and creativity! Why? It’s because your story becomes tainted, not told.

I think if we become distracted, there is the potential for our passion to fade…and consequently die. If we create because the passion burns under our skin to do so, how can it go anywhere? If you think your muse is dead or you have become uninspired, is it possible you are looking for it outside of your own honesty? By that I mean being honest with yourself? When you sit down to write, draw, paint or make music, are you questioning if your own work is worthwhile or are you doing it because you carry a wild enthusiasm for it.

Too often we chase a society-promoted passion like perfume when there is something in our own spirit waiting to have a relationship with us.

If you have harnessed that, then you are ready to share! But if you are sharing with the hopes that someone will love you or your art and only then will you have adequate passion, may I humble suggest you are doing it in the wrong order.

What is amazing to me is that it’s been raining outside and I’m unaffected like when I was depressed. I think it’s because the things I love to do are not dependent upon sunshine and my imagination is so on fire lately that I don’t have to look for inspiration.

Ok arguably, I was inspired today by a perfume ad to write. Whatever. ;)

Walking barefoot in the creek,

Karen :)

“It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.” ~Christian Nestell Bovee

Do we have the element of affection? And is this what makes it sustainable?

Waking Up is Hard

"We could hardly wait to get up in the morning." ~Wilbur Wright

I saw that quote by Wilbur who is one of the Wright Brothers. I am really just assuming he meant when they were working on airplane-related activities. While I understand the Wright Brothers history, I can’t say that I have read a whole biography on them, but I am always tempted to read something when someone says they could hardly wait to get up in the morning. That is, if they are talking about anything besides Christmas morning. So, I shall have to see why their attitude was so grand!

I am reminded today about the Daylight Savings Time which I always like to say I observe, then quickly ignore. lol But in school days and holding my 7- ? jobs, (I don’t know that I ever did a 9-5) having the clock go forward was horrific. Monday morning would kick everyone’s butt. Back in the days when I used to go to sleep at 9 pm and get up at 5 am were probably when I felt the best, but this is also scientific. When you sleep in a pitch black room, your body builds up something called melatonin (antioxidant features as well) which is what controls your sleep cycles, (you can look up how light affects the circadian rhythm etc) so it would stand to reason that sleeping from 9 until 5 am in complete blackness was good for me. Like most things in nature, nothing is by accident and when we break natural cycles by staying up until 3 or sleeping in light rooms, we can’t properly build it. Caffeine no matter what time of day it’s consumed can affect different people’s sleep that night too, so I cut it out and go with B12 instead. (oh as a side note, adding Chocolate Silk Soymilk to my diet has worked WONDERS for energy- I recommend it if caffeine is not an option for you where it just makes you jittery)

I used to wake up at 5 am and get baking done, bookwork done and feel excited, prepared and ready for my day. When everything changed for me was when I started jumping up my 9 pm bedtime to 11, then 12, then 2 and so on. Now I wonder why I still get up at an insanely early hour but feel kind of crappy. I don’t feel completely discouraged though, because when I do go to bed, I sleep whereas I never used to. I feel like I have graduated from taking worry to bed with me since writing my lists at bedtime every night and leaving them in the living room. The trick for me and my hope is to maybe not get back to 9 pm again, but inch my way closer to it. I know we all have a lot to do in a day, but I think many of us are still not feeling like we are accomplishing what we need to so why not try and get a good night’s sleep and work smarter, feeling better during the day?

That sidestep aside, I believe what was making Wilbur Wright enthusiastic about getting up in the morning was his passion for what he was working on. But here’s the thing; I am pretty sure this invention didn’t pay their bills while working on it, so it must have still presented challenges.

We can’t always be excited about the work that is waiting for us, but we can make the best of it. I was talking to a lady who bakes new treats for co-workers on Sunday and takes them to work on Monday. She says it adds a nice Zen to her Monday morning. She basically is unable to change her job right now, but she changed her attitude towards Monday mornings by making others smile and she looks forward to their reaction. I thought that approach was rather cool.

I’m still working on organizing my life so I am eventually not up at all hours, but I am really learning to find joy in whatever is happening on any given day knowing I can maybe be of assistance to someone who needs me and I think that in itself should be cause for at least some enthusiasm in the morning.

But don’t think my passions for what I enjoy doing don’t creatively run as deep as the Wright Brothers. I may not be building airplanes, but music IS my best reason to get up in the morning.

I hope you are continuing to build relationships with the people and things that give you a reason to be and that waking up isn’t too hard on you!

(oh and STILL hunting for the best pillow…my $12 one from ‘Bed, Bath and Beyond’ remains the best I have found…I’ve spent so much on every single other one on the market; barley, memory foam, you name it)

ROCK ON my friends…
Karen :)

"Passion rebuilds the world for the youth. It makes all things alive and significant." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Define "so-so"

Many people from my childhood have crept back into my world because of Facebook. Some are good, some not so much, "click-click, delete!" lol I don’t even mind hearing how an old ex from high school is doing so long as they don’t try and pick up where they left off! ;P

I’ve been thinking about a message from a friend on there (I’m not mentioning her name, but she knows I am writing this—I hate shocking people with topics about them…) I asked her how she was doing. Her message back was something like, "I’m doing good, I am married to a guy who makes 6 figures and my daughter just landed an acting role and my son made the College basketball team…." ..and a bunch of other things going on AROUND her.

I thought I’d mess with her a bit, so I said, "So, your family is doing good. How are YOU doing?"

The rest of the conversation went something like,

She said, "Me, oh I am not doing very much."
Me; "That’s ok, I didn’t ask WHAT you were doing."
Her response; "Oh, so-so."
Me; "Define so-so."

So I don’t bore you with rambling dialogue, my assessment was that she wasn’t doing good at all. She didn’t need money and her children were well on their way to a great career start. It turned out she had spent her life parenting them (and a good job too, I might add…they seem like great kids) but she was suffering from a bit of empty nest syndrome coupled with no acquired skills outside of parenting and at a loss of where to go in her life. She wasn’t depressed so much as she felt "bland".

As much as I talk about depression, I feel like there is a growing number of people who are not depressed, but are simply; so-so. It’s like a half way point between "excellent" and "depressed" and there is a possibility or danger of it swinging either way.

After her and I talked it out, she came to her own revelation that her happiness was always external. This doesn’t have to do with a job-related success; it has to do with her inner core.

As we talked further, she realized that she was still trying to mother the way she was when the kids were young. This is admirable although not completely necessary. It’s taken her a long time to let go of the infant control and direct her attention to the things she’d like to do with her life. It’s also sometimes tough for parents to accept that their children are redirecting their attention to other things besides them.

I suspect her "so-so" demeanor is because she feels stagnant. She seems unsure of whether she should still be watching them or doing something she loves and I also imagine she feels a bit selfish for even looking outside of it.

This limbo state of so-so is different from depression but a person can feel like they still didn’t accomplish much at the end of a day.

So how does a person get out of the state of so-so? Well I’m not sure there is a definitive answer but for me I had to quit caring what others around me thought so much. This was everything from cutting my fingernails short so I could play guitar, not just my piano to shutting out public opinion while working on songs. Her initial response to me suggested her husband’s job might impress me as a fellow woman envious of how well-kept she is. But I really don’t care, I mean I am happy for them having his job and all, don’t get me wrong…I really just wanted to know how her spirit was feeling.

Everything she told me she loved to do was cross-cancelled by a reason why she couldn’t do it.

My response back? If you have a passion, I mean gut-wrenching passion to do something…nothing and nobody should be holding you back. Go chase it…

Or, you can remain in a state of so-so. That’s up to you. ;)

Much love on all of you!
Karen :)

"The old, subjective, stagnant, indolent and wretched life for woman has gone. She has as many resources as men, as many activities beckon her on as large possibilities swell and inspire her heart." ~Anna Julia Cooper

I Can’t Find Myself, I’ve looked EVERYWHERE!

"There is another interesting paradox here: by immersing ourselves in what we love, we find ourselves. We do not lose ourselves. One does not lose one's identity by falling in love."

Lukas Foss was a German Composer. I have probably had more personal growth and confusion come from the words of Musicians. Beethoven always rides the fine line with me of genius and madman which I seem to gravitate to but then again music is my greatest passion. I am probably more drawn to him because he was mad. For many years, I thought that was unhealthy like when our parents tell us not to date someone because they are too eccentric and not stable enough to support us.

I think many Artists ride along a disturbing journey where they beat themselves up repeatedly, thereby learning the lessons over a longer period of time and experiencing some pretty nasty self-loathing. Lose yourself, find yourself, don’t care about yourself, reacquaint yourself with yourself; it’s all very emotionally-based and cluttered. I think I will never have the simple approach to finding oneself, but I do believe Foss is certainly on to something.

How many times have I looked all over this earth for myself? The Gurus always say, "Look within" which is a description that seems a bit too ego-based for my liking which is really a laugh considering we are, after all, looking for OURSELF. lol! I just think "Look within" is far too wide of a brush stroke for people who are truly lost. You go to some spiritual seminar on Friday night and you are driving home with, "The answer is in you if you will only look" and you are left think "WTF are they going on about?" See, as true as it is, it doesn’t feel like something practical a lost soul can really dig their teeth into.

When Foss said, "…by immersing ourselves in what we love, we find ourselves" I am not sure even that would have struck a chord with me when I was lost, but now after the fact (oh hind sight and its perfect 20/20 vision) I see how this is the ultimate truth. This is only because in looking back, it’s worked for me.

The other thing I have noticed is when I can look at myself how others see me, (or if you have a belief in a higher power, look at yourself how God sees you) it’s also helpful too. Our friends, parents etc quite often have a better grip on who we are.

I have for almost a decade been gradually immersing myself in what I love. Now take out the financial part where you can only do what you love in between making money. That isn’t what I mean. I believe it is possible to immerse yourself even when you are busy. If you are cleaning the house, you can crank music that feeds your soul. When you are surfing the net, you can go to sites that feed your passion. When you go out, you can choose a museum, park or a movie.

I think what has happened to me over the years is I have had my head held under the water by things I don’t love instead of immersing myself in things that are more indicative of me. It’s a sort of rebellion that I have had to implement in order to get past it. I’ve had to say no to going to dance clubs or movie theaters with films I don’t want to see. I have had to consciously refrain from political or religious conversations because every time I have one, I walk away feeling separated from others. Basically, I had to be by myself for a while so I could clear enough of this emotional clutter away. For so many years, I have been withdrawn in order to get reacquainted with me again.

It was an awful lot of alone time and a ton of loneliness before I felt brave enough to immerse myself in my passions again. But, it’s happening. Foss said we don’t lose ourselves by doing so and that "…one does not lose one's identity by falling in love" How true is that?

For me, it’s falling in love with the music and the art but more so LIFE…grabbing hold of what makes me feel alive and doing it with everything I have…and reserving the right to do absolutely nothing if I love to do that too. :)

Hope you are getting to know you. :)

Much love on ya,
Karen :)

Thought I’d add this by Beethoven as well, seeing as I adore him so much;

"Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy." Ludwig van Beethoven