I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have actually gone away. Growing up, the farm keeps you close, work doesn’t allow too many days off or you are too far behind on your list so you don’t do it. I just decided to do it no matter how crazy things were because if you can’t make time, you just take it anyways. So far, I haven’t been able to manufacture more hours than 24, so away I went!
While I would love to fill everyone in on details and would love to answer every single last question many of you have had, I was with family. As open as I like to try and be, none of my family opted into my world and so I keep their lives private more than my own. Anytime something just concerns me, I’d be more than happy to share. This is no different for any of you out there who have told me something private, given me mailing information etc. It’s not my business to share those details with anyone else. Hope that makes sense!
But I will go on to say I personally had a lovely time and really didn’t understand how much I needed to get away from everything. I almost hesitate to even say that because I don’t feel the need to get away so much these days. I am reminded of some hellish moments in my life where getting away meant my survival! But when you leave your normal schedule and enter a world that involves socializing and family you realize how many tiny details you’ve missed that really are very big.
Something I do every day is ask the Creator where I am needed and try to be open to learning new things or at least a new perspective. I had two awesome moments where I felt like I saw this new angle. One was through a butterfly and one was through a storm.
I can’t even begin to count the number of times my Mother’s memory has become very fresh and real to me through butterflies and ladybugs. There have been all these cool moments where I have felt sad, lonely, desperate or depressed and a ladybug will land on me or a butterfly visits. I’ve always likened the butterfly to hope, change and metamorphosis and the ladybug is something my Mom used to use in analogies a lot. Ladybugs were always transferred to houseplants if we found them to eat the little aphids and I loved a song on Sesame Street called the Ladybug Picnic when I was a kid. ;)
Well I had a quiet walk along one of the Great Lake coasts where a butterfly followed me for almost the whole walk until I realized what a cool moment it was. I looked up and smiled at the Creator and Mom and thoroughly enjoyed the rest of my walk. I just needed that tiny moment for rejuvenation.
But nothing replenishes a tired spirit like watching a lightning storm from 34,000 feet. I have seen many storms growing up in Ontario, but never one like this. I was flying back to Los Angeles and the pilot had to re-route in order to avoid the storm. He came on the PA and said, “If you look to your right, you’ll see why I had to go another way.”
I was so thankful to have had a window seat on the right side of the plane for the whole flight. We were above these magnificent white fluffy clouds that looked like Snow Mountains and above them was a layer of storm clouds that had lightning shooting out from every available angle. I was terribly humbled and reflected on how small I was. The perspective I gained wasn’t that of feeling emotionally small, but I came to a whole new level of understanding how my petty issues would never and could never change the massively brilliant and overwhelming power that was happening above us, not to mention underneath us and around us all.
I was struck with a lesson; the world doesn’t really change, I do. I’ll try and keep that a fairly broad stroke of the brush, because obviously the world is changing, it’s just staying the course of its path which is a more logical route of change. I have felt less of a need to even understand it all, I am just super excited to insert myself inside it all. I take great comfort in it because it means I can give up control a little more, I can be more tolerant and most of all, the things we tend to worry or argue about are completely useless because that lightning cloud will strike when it wants to. It’s really more about continuing to mold my own character and most importantly, it’s vital that I understand how the bigger picture functions so I can ride the wave instead of trying to swim against it. Fighting a current may seem like fun or even feel like we are making progress, but really, this world is perfect outside of what we have screwed up and it’s waiting for us to jump on its train. I feel more than ready to do that. Head-banging belongs at a concert, not against a wall. :)
Then, think about how many layers we are living under. We see the ceiling in our room, but not the house. We see the roof, but not the clouds…but above those clouds is a whole universe at work. I have had the tendency to only see to the top of the space inside my own head! The world is at work and doing amazing things if we just tip our heads upwards more often.
I am very happy to be back. I am working on some very creative projects that I enjoy and I’ve missed everyone this week! My internet was disgustingly slow and often unavailable but maybe sometimes we need that too.
Much love on ya!
Karen :)
“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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