Are you being too nice?

Do you ever feel like;
“Whenever I am nice, I get burned.”?
I've been trying this;
Be nice, run away quickly & don’t look back to see what just happened.

Or is this you?;
“I show love, they don’t give it back.”
Show love, run away quickly & don’t look back to see what just happened.

Or how about;
“I try to tell someone something, but they won’t listen.”
Do what you can, run away quickly… and...you get the point.

The reason for my response is because for me, I have been trying to figure out why I need their response to be different. In some of my cases, I was trying to control. In some cases, I was hurt by them.

Sometimes I was exhausted that my energy had been dispersed but in other times, I felt betrayed.

I am by nature a justice-seeker, so I had the tendency to be mad when something wasn’t reciprocated.

Is there such a thing as being too nice? Hmmm, I do know there is too mean…but not too nice.

Mom used to say planting niceness and showing love was like a mustard seed. They are known for lying dormant for years and then just decide to grow one day. The idea is you may plant a nice hello or show love and that could grow in minutes, days, hours or even years. Most things with me have taken years to marinate on account of having my judgment clouded at the time, was too physically exhausted to hear kindness or just didn’t notice because of depression or stress. What I am trying to do now is realize that there is ALWAYS a reason why someone won’t take my kindness and it’s usually due to something extraordinarily sad in their life. Therefore, it’s best not to compromise my character and since when is it my job to teach anyone a lesson? Plus, I am seeing a real need these days to start cutting each other a bit more slack.

I feel very fulfilled when I can look at myself in the mirror and know I did everything within the true nature of my character to interact with others in a loving way. Is it hard? YES! Sometimes you wanna smack someone. But I wage that most of the people who have needed a good smack in my life, were smacked very early on and their numbness won’t take the lesson anyways.

I would also bet most people haven’t the foggiest idea how to receive love. Knowing that, I can take their negative reaction and chalk it up to confusion instead. ‘Oh, they must not know what kindness is, that’s cool, I will try again tomorrow.’

The people in my life who have had the most significant impact on me were the ones who didn’t give up on me EVEN when I treated them so terribly. I am humbled by those people. I almost can’t look at them in the eyes when I see them and there are a few who I wouldn’t know where to begin. I would just say thank you and hope to improve my character into someone who can impact someone else the same way.

The reason I say, “Show love, run away quickly & don’t look back to see what just happened.” is because it focuses what I do on my motivation and not on the response I may or may not get. It keeps my mind focused on giving love unconditionally where I used to have a laundry list of conditions on love.

My experience of truth is, if love doesn’t have the word unconditional in front of it, it’s not love. It’s a different word.

Love used to be puppy love, high school sweethearts, crushes, dinner and movies…
I realize now love is meant to be given as a free gift. You don’t even have to stay in the room…you can grab your bag quickly and go enjoy the sport’s game on TV or work on music.

I am trying to not allow my disappointment in others ruin a good night of screaming guitars and string arrangements. If I stew over whether or not I was burned, if I got something back or didn’t get the ear of someone out there, I missed both my creative time and even bigger, missed the point of what it means to give.

And if you feel like you have nothing left to give, maybe it’s time to fill up your spirit again. But that also means running away quickly and finding someone good who you can use to fill your tank. :)

Much love on you!
Karen :)

“A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.” ~Saint Basil


  1. May your knowledge grows on forever Karen, a hug to you for thinking ahead, ahead of everyone else, and showing and shoving into the face of society how do we "reciprocate" and I have to admit, I sometimes cannot be able to be reciprocate with everyone, but one thing is for sure, as long as I live I'll be too nice, or as long as I am awake.

  2. "reciprocate" ...thank you Karen for all words I learn to use!
    The english is okay for me to speak or chat on the net.
    Difficulties reveals to me when trying to use the language while blogging.
    My native tongue was finish,then swedish just prior to school. At the age of 10 I started to learn english.
    For me it is a challenge to use the language in poetic writings..or often the diary or blog!
    Your writings and "feel" for issues we all have, gives me so many awakenings! "Word" I often say to myself when reading you!
    So today`s word "reciprocate" is really an important one.
    Been thinking maybe the persons that should be given a word or 2 from me knows a bit about guilt..so therefore they still are close to me!?
    What is done is done ...history should be kept as a lesson learned.
    Often you do same mistakes again and again until it reaches your soul!?You decide to stop because it harms yourself in the meaning of :you get less of time and space to be the giver you want to.
    The one that wants to contribute something to others if they like to check into ya:)
    Me I personally seek for the next question..the next thought of issues and often I find them here.Via your quotes and your thoughts...
    Always so right on the spot!
    Must remind me reading you every day!
    Thnx again dear wise madame english teacher :)
    yc birgitta