Is Starting Over Worse than Where You Are?

I often call the ‘comfort zone’ the ‘uncomfortable zone’ because I haven’t had much luck being comfortable there. I always looked at my comfort zone as being in a holding pattern. If you don’t make any sudden moves, it can’t get any worse, right?

Having been in a chain of terrible relationships and many cases of bad financial issues, I think it was more of a case that I could get used to just about anything if it was done over and over again in a pattern. A habit whether good or bad can sort of just keep going on its journey because we inch it along and those inches seem quite doable.

Starting from scratch might be the scariest concept for a person. It’s not that we don’t know how, we are usually just too invested up to that point or we are basically exhausted and aging in such a way that we can’t imagine where we would find the energy to move on. Then, couple that with the things that now come with us. We might have had children since or there is a heap of bills staring at us and taunting us to stay in its clutches.

I watched a clip of a girl who has a Ministry which helps gets prostitutes off the Vegas Strip. It’s pretty gut-wrenching to watch. I know people who have been in the porn/strip club/escort business and while it might seem easy to escape for those of us watching from the sidelines, it’s life-threatening to leave it. You seriously need a whole community to save them in order to accommodate their protection from the Pimp community.

The one clip which really tugged at my heart strings was when one of the ex-prostitutes got off the phone with a friend who seemed to easily transition back into her life in New York while this girl was struggling with therapy and a very shaky do-over. She began to cry at how unfair life was and you could tell she was overwhelmed with what to do next. She must have felt like her life had actually gone backwards by leaving the industry. I’ve seen this with that industry. Some people get back on their feet quickly while others struggle for years to get ahead.

A story like that can make our own situations feel pretty easy to fix or they can make us just feel grateful we aren’t going through that. Being grateful is one thing, but sometimes seeing the extreme stories can just cause us to do nothing about our own situation.

Going back to the mounting bills which could be keeping us in the trap; there are so many things which we are in bondage to. The oppression of owing money not only stops us from going new places and experiencing new things but it eats away at our character because we believe at the heart of it all, we are good people and we like to make good on our debts.

The one thing I got from this Vegas Story is the theory ‘it takes a village to raise a child’. The steps these girls have to go through to get their lives back doesn’t end with the hero scooping them up in a helicopter and escaping with them. It’s a really long road and it takes the love and assistance of the people in the Ministry for them to have a hope of not returning to the uncomfortable zone again.

In our own trying times, like mounting bills and joblessness, why do we think we can go it alone? I believe like these hookers on the Strip, they are mostly burdened by their shame and I believe that our shame is what keeps us locked up. It’s very embarrassing to ask family or friends for financial help especially if you have people in your family who work in finance. You might seem like a failure to them. You might not want to go to someone for help because they might say, ‘I told you so’ or maybe not quite as bad; they whisper about you in circles behind your back making you feel really imprudent. What I have learned over the years, people who love us really do want to help even if it’s just being an ear. If you can muster up enough courage to be completely honest about your situation to someone who truly loves you, you may be surprised how helpful that will be. They might not write you a check to pay off all your debt, but they might provide some focus and I’ve said before; just verbalizing or writing down something about our situation can put a lot of things into focus. Most financial planners will have you write down every debt you have on a bold list in front of you. You would be surprised how many people who are in debt don’t actually know what they owe because it’s too painful to look at. Maybe some personalities would crumble at the sight of it, but more often than not, the bold truth is what helps us make a change.

The bigger problem I have encountered with change is that I have almost always had to step back…sometimes many steps knowing things will then move forward. It’s an error to think we can smoothly transition out of something like prostitution into a high-paying job the next day. We just have to decide if the steps back are worth it. I believe they are; if we can simply find just one more ounce of strength to make the awkward elbow-turn.

If you are facing a big decision or need to make a large change, can you break it down on paper into something tangible even if it takes slightly longer?

Packing about one box per/week,

Karen :)

We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive.” ~Albert Einstein

1 comment:

  1. Hmm... wish i had caught this when it was written... I can relate to a long road of trusts being broken and giving w/a knife in my back as a 'thank you'. No one is immune from needing help, it's just the type of help that's needed... financial, emotional, physical etc.
    Transition is very difficult, but as you have said, it's better than where you are. Re-inventing yourself opens your eyes to all the things you've done and how much more you can accomplish. I re-wrote my resume and started with a basic outline. I was shocked at my accomplishments and found I had to edit them. ''WoW...It reads like the lives of 9 people!", I was told by a friend. That made me smile.
    So, yes, one box at a time... hoping I find a place for the boxes.

    thx Karen.