Do You Have Trust Issues?

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ~Ernest Hemingway

‘But I’ve been burned!’ That is the statement I hear echoing through the chambers of the net when I say that. It reminds me of when W.C Fields said, “You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.” As funny as that quote is, that is how jaded we have become.

I do think William Shakespeare had a good balance when he said, “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” It seems about right.

I’m letting everyone know that STEVER CDs are available on the ‘pay when you can’ program. I have had people say, “How can you trust anyone to actually pay you?” My response is, “I like to be trusted, so I extend trust.” But I always follow up by saying, “If this was a piece of studio equipment I was selling on Ebay for $2000, I would get the money upfront. But this is 15 bucks.”

This seems to be how we work through life. If you take your car into the mechanic and he is changing the belt, you just trust him to use the belt he thinks will work. If the car needs significant work, you may opt to take it in for a second opinion or to someone you already trust. There are certain people in our world who we say we ‘trust with our life’ and other people who we ‘can’t trust as far as we could throw them’.

I think what has happened to people is we forget to extend trust to the smaller things. If you are going to meet someone for coffee, you just trust they will show up at the donut shop. You don’t get all hyper-sensitive and not make the meeting because you have trust issues that they won’t show up.

Unfortunately, some things in life require bigger trust in order to take a bigger step forward. For many of us, we know this as risk. If you’ve been in bad relationships, you may be too shy to try another one. You opt to live by yourself instead of trying again because the last half a dozen people broke your heart and your trust.

I think it’s important to handle people like that with care. I was thinking about the kitties I mentioned in yesterday’s blog who need a home. I was thinking about how when they do go to a new place, their instinct will be to trust nobody for a while. I’ve always said with cats, you have to let them come out from under the bed when they are ready to. A cat could stay under a bed in a new place for weeks before integrating themselves into the new place. Dogs sometimes will place too much trust too soon in people which makes them an easy target for abuse. I notice the alley cats that live here won’t let anyone come near them, but finally after watching them for many years, the lady next door pet one recently. She was patient and had the time to dedicate to winning their trust.

The whole thing I have learned about trust is that not everyone is a bad guy. I have had enough garbage happen to me that I could probably be warranted in saying I wasn’t going to trust anyone ever again. But I don’t want to live this way. It’s crippling to me and unfair to others around me. I think it’s good to be aware and listen to our instinct so we can protect ourselves, I just believe we should do it reasonably and with proper assessment and good judgment.

I like the idea of trusting people because the risk to reward ratio has turned out pretty good. I shouldn’t let the one bad apple spoil the bag.

I figure that I am a good person worthy of trust so I imagine I am not the only person out there who feels that way. There seems to be many people who live with a certain amount of integrity and hold true to their word. By extending some trust and taking a bit of risk, I am getting to know these lovely souls who I wouldn’t want to lose from my life.

I feel like I understand the balance of human nature a bit better to know now that when there is someone who breaks it, I can come to a quicker understanding that not everyone is like that. It’s a good reminder to not generalize anyone and stick them in a group.

Thinking that we grow so we can’t hide under the bed anymore…
Karen :)

“Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe