You know when you get that gut instinct to put in a call to someone because your gut says, "Call so-and-so?" I had that gut feeling about a friend of mine who has been going through a rough relationship break-up. She is in Los Angeles and he moved to New York (job offer etc)essentially signaling to her that although he claimed to really love her a lot, he wasn’t ready to commit or be with her forever.

He moved there a few months ago, but he keeps reaching out to her but not with anything she needs to hear from him concerning their future together. While I think he’s an ok guy, I personally think her sadness over this past year needs to scale up to another level and move on to someone who does want a future with her. He seemed content with it being more casual with the hope of a future together ‘someday when he feels more ready’ and she really wanted to know where it was going. (It’s obviously a bit more complicated than what I could portray here, but suffice to say, the break-up is a good idea)They don’t hate each other, just a crossroads where their futures are not aligning. It happens. I think she should move on now considering they are technically broken up.

Well, back to this gut instinct of mine, I texted her and asked her if she were ok. It turned out unbeknownst to me that she was in New York with her family celebrating a birthday party and when I texted her, she was in tears. Well long story made short, she’s having a really rough time getting over him. (it’s like that while she’s here in LA too, it’s not just that she was in New York)

At this point, they have called it quits. But, because of their situation where they actually still talk, he let her know he was going to have a vacation in Spain. Well, she has this all dreamed up now where he is going to be swept away by some Spanish beauty and will have moved on with his life. It’s a natural thing to do, but we also talked about the fact that they are broken up which means you are not together and he can do what he wants. It goes to a dangerous place lying in bed thinking about what your ex is doing and while I wouldn’t categorize her as obsessive, we did talk about how it could go to that place when you still feel a sense of ownership like many do in relationships (I think that the initial possessive is even bad)

I feel that this is what happens when a person feels rejected. She doesn’t feel good enough for him and so it plain old-fashioned hurts when someone doesn’t make a choice to be with you and nobody else. You lie in bed wondering what they are doing, what they see in someone else that they don’t see in you. You dream up scenarios that may or may not be happening and in the worst case, your sleep (which should be absolutely sacred) is lost.

I’m personally excited for her because she has such an amazing future ahead of her so I do hope she can let this truly go. It’s important to realize in situations like this that we are all butterflies just hovering around from flower to flower. I think we are all trying to find our individual path and purpose in life and that someone else’s choice shouldn’t be viewed as such a personal attack, but rather sometimes our trails don’t match up. It’s important to let go of control and allow the world to function how it was originally set up to. I would love to see her mind be freer to do child-like things and be creative instead of fretting over something that can be so mentally damaging. I think there are certainly better things to be obsessive about.

I think the next graduated level of moving on is knowing your ex is with other people but you actually want them to be happy, wishing them only the best. But man, doesn’t that seem like an impossible thing to ask? I think it should be something to strive towards anyways.

Hope that your sleep is sacred and that your days are filled with HAPPY thoughts!
Karen :)

"The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control."~Ogden Nash

1 comment:

  1. hey Karen homesick yet?lol!ill snd u some virtual bird 4 Monday and all the Italian fixings!;D

    Wow, my heart goes out 2 ur friend, that is a hard thing 2 do move on esp. when ur heart still feels 4 that person, and yup, insult wld def. b 2 the person left behind as he moves on! all in good time(they say time heals all wounds?)she will see that they took diff. roads and find herself with a more suitable lad. 4 the timeframe in her life...
    with that said i hope she can close that door on him forever and move on, in the meantime tell da goof 2 stop calling her, this makes it harder 2 move on! i think its a EGO thing 4 these jackasses 2 keep the ex hoppin, how cruel indeed!!
    im as much as a yapper as u are i think!! haha! are u sure u aint a Gemini like me, maybe ur Ascendant is, wanna know hit me up with ur date/time/place of birth!;D

    Peace and Love baby, and prayers 2 u and esp. ur friend, always ur fellow Ontarian(always at heart right?) DIANA:D