I can’t find THE ONE!!!

If you’ve been around our community long enough, you may have recalled me saying in Grade 6 (we say it that way in Canada) I had my first real crush. In the previous year, I had the popular boy in school crushing on me. His name was Josh and he kicked my ass in the playground when I told him he was gross. But then somewhere along the way, I decided that Todd looked pretty good to me. Todd was in Grade 7 which at our school was a big difference from 6. Grade 7 & 8 were the senior kids, so they really didn’t want anything to do with the rest of us. Well long story made short, Todd dated this girl Dana and I was dog meat.

All my crushes from then on (no matter who it was) stopped me from getting work done. My grades suffered because of the daydreaming, my social life was all about if the person I liked was going to be there. I styled my hair and wore the clothes the girls around me did if I thought they were having better luck than me. I turned down certain jobs if I thought I’d be seen and it could ruin my chance with someone. My thoughts of finding love (even in a shallow form) took over.

Fast forward to my adult years where relationship troubles were at the forefront of all my days and all my thoughts... I have always worked really hard and have accelerated my career despite this but I can’t help but think about how life could be if I had set my priorities straight early on. Of course, I have no real desire to change my past now. I like who I am and all that and I don’t dwell on these things too often except when someone says to me, “I can’t find THE ONE!”

(we’ll save the blog on ‘the one that got away’ for another time perhaps) ;)

It’s a funny phrase you know. I immediately understand it when I hear it, but I am bothered by a few things. The phrase itself feels emphatically anxious as though a single moment of time cannot pass until this person (albeit imaginary) is found! It reminds me of when someone loses a contact lens and is down on hands and knees patting the floor in a blind stupor. I don’t mean for this to come off as insulting because like I said it’s a funny phrase, not a bad one.

It’s funny not in a haha way, but more peculiar. It’s bizarre that we should devote the energy, it’s crazy that we should place it so high on the priority list and it feels so extreme that we should feel exhausted by such a hunt and yet, we do it anyways.

There are so many reasons why I think we do this. Loneliness could be one, envy of relationships around us could be another, but there is something so lovely about being around someone who makes us feel rapture and I believe this may be the larger point to its origin.

But anyone who has ever felt this ecstasy in its celestial form will most likely tell you they didn’t go looking for it. (which if you want 'magical', it's probably the only way you're gonna have it)

While I adore the film, Serendipity and feel all cozy about its concept, I feel like this rapturous love affair is a speck on the surface of a bigger, much deeper plan.

It’s pretty amazing that we have this unique ability to be in love, to feel love, to fall in love and it could be argued that is what life is all about because it is so wonderful. But what if there’s more? What if each of us has a bigger job, higher calling, greater purpose than we could ever know? What if all these years of staring out a window dreaming of love while ignoring the teacher has become a wicked distraction working against the true calling?

Let me bring down the drama for a second….lol! What if you had the ability to gather up all the moments in your life where you were obsessing over finding THE ONE? Let’s say you put them in a jar (mine is more like a glass dome….) and you could convert those moments into an energy that contributed towards you making a real difference in someone’s life or even more practically speaking, simply furthering your character and journey towards your greater purpose here. I did that when I quit smoking years ago. I put my smoke money in a jar…very eye-opening especially in Ontario during a time when tobacco tax was at an all-time high! So how do we do it with our own thoughts?

Then there is the bitter pill that some of us are not interested in swallowing; What if you are supposed to be by yourself for this time because some task/job/purpose is waiting for you? Or maybe simply, you are supposed to be alone for some other reason?

Being alone has a terrible connotation in today’s society. We feel pressure from friends and family to get married, have children…but what if that simply is not what is meant for us? What if we shoved this food down our throats when our stomach was rejecting it?

The one thing about people who are alone is that if they are not depressed or anxious in any way, they can get a ton of stuff done! You can be quite available if you are alert and ready for the tasks in front of you!

For many years, I had a large knot in my neck. You know the kind like when you slept on it wrong? The knot was not real though. It was a knot where if you turn your head from any other position than what you are used to, you feel a stab. So, if you are bummed out, depressed, anxious or lonely and you are used to looking out a window, your neck conforms to the direction. As soon as something good for us comes into our peripheral vision, it acts like whiplash because we have no idea how to add something unique into our perspective.

Many of us do that who are used to looking out the window, longing for something or someone. Many of us who have been shut away inside long enough need darker sun glasses to go outside so the sun doesn’t burn.

But, like any habit worth breaking…if we begin to exercise the neck and tell it to change direction, we can loosen this knot. It feels stiff and sore at first, but the new direction is breath-taking. There is something out there for each and every one of us if we would only just pay attention…and GIVE it our attention.

I never thought there was a world outside my own head…pretty crazy to think my new direction didn’t actually break my neck. Why was I so scared back then?

Keep your eyes open and your heart free!

Karen :)

I have posted this before and think it’s worth posting again;

“Life is one big road with lots of signs.

So when you’re riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind.

Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy.

Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality.

Wake Up and Live!”

~Bob Marley