Feeling Rejected

Ah, American Idol Season. I know a few people who got to the Top 100. Some took it as a learning experience and some felt like their dreams were crushed (as though the panel of judges and lip-synching guest judges…cough, cough are the Dream Fairies) Well, all personal opinions of that scenario aside, everyone is allowed to dream their own dream, right?

I have done a lot of auditioning as I have mentioned in past blogs but after doing some casting as well I know that nobody should feel rejected as there are too many factors why someone doesn’t get the part. I’ve seen a girl who was three inches too tall not get a part because the guy who was cast the week before was shorter than her so they gave it to the girl who was his height. But, people go home and reassess their body weight and start starving themselves into low self esteem.

The community at the Public Record has been fantastic. They submit parts hoping to get on a big Artist’s record, but they have been so let in on the process that they understand why something gets picked or not and understand all the pieces have to fit as a whole, so there is no rejection generally speaking. Plus, anything in the Arts is so subjective. Most have taken it to another level and become part of the bigger community where the sharing of ideas with like-minded people has become the bigger objective. They are the happy people!

Rejection is really prevalent in seemingly stable relationships, in work places and even parents are feeling rejected by their children, not just the other way around. To me, rejection has a lot of different meanings and interpretations, but practically, to me is has meant "I am not good enough."

This is a very familiar feeling for me in relationships. My parents always made me feel good about myself, but significant others have made me feel very inferior. Of course, the bigger truth is that it’s only me who can make me feel less than what I am worth, but geeze it’s really hard to feel good about yourself when you are always being slammed down. I am a big believer in encouraging someone into growth but we do live in a world where it’s just not like that. It’s lovely to think it could be that way, but let’s be real.

So if we have an understanding that the world is a very cruel place, we have a few routes we can take. We can wither and die, we can ignore it, put blinders on and stay neutral or we can use it, learn from it and grow. When someone attacks your esteem and rejects you for whatever reason, the options are give up, sink into a dejected state or collect the ugly pieces off the floor and assemble them into a dark art. The third option is what I have been implementing. ;)

"Consider the source"; a piece of advice I have heard intermittently throughout my life. Who is firing off the rejection in the first place? Now for American Idol, I personally wouldn’t put myself in that scenario because I don’t value the source enough to consider their opinion. Various job interviews I have had have gone both ways. Some employers made me feel worthless leaving the interview while others set me on a good path to continue learning.

But why is it in a relationship we aren’t also considering the source? If a partner is rejecting us, have we ever considered it’s them and not us? Why do we place all the blame on ourselves and continually beat our own head against the wall? Now I don’t mean for this to include the times we can improve, but a partner should not make you feel discarded.

"I am not good enough" was a motto I employed for too many years. I went through several stages of it like the intermediate "I am not good enough, ok fine…so do I just roll over and die then?" to "Oh, ok. I am not good enough for this, then I shall move on." To "I am good enough but you aren’t." to "Maybe I am good enough" to "Yes, I am good enough". But I think what is happening now is I was maybe putting too much emphasis on self when I think what needs to happen is I need to slot myself into the bigger system of things. Yes, you still need a good healthy esteem to do that, but I feel like our society has become less about the community spirit and more about the ME Society. What ever happened to acting as a team? I think a person in our community or The Public Record community is less likely to feel rejected because we all know we are part of something bigger and nothing "Me" is going on. If you want to make the world a better place...

I am not suggesting rejection isn’t a very real thing that many people suffer from (stemming from childhood too) but maybe it’s just more constructive to find our place in the bigger picture instead of trying to stand in a spotlight all the time hoping for the accolades. It’s natural to want respect, love, warmth and all the coziness but it’s my opinion that the best way to get all that is to give all of that.

And one step further, maybe by giving all of that, we shouldn’t ever be concerned with getting it back. I just think it could give the world a better vibe overall.

Just my two cents from the peanut gallery over here. ;)

Have an amazing DAY!

Karen :)

"What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself." ~Mark Twain