The last few days it’s been interesting to read all the responses concerning musical enlightenment and the conversation about taking things in our life and setting them free, turning them into art etc.
Many of us have difficulty finding inspiration for our art, heck even getting up in the morning. Inspiration is an amazing thing and is very cool, but I no longer require it. I do have moments where I simply don’t feel like working on something and having a brutal history with depression where Black Dog (Not the Zep song) will creep in and say, ‘Why bother?’ but I don’t need a wave of inspiration to come crashing down my door and carry me into the studio chair.
I might be one of those people with too many ideas and have difficulty getting everything done I want to do in a day. I’m scattered from too many things happening.
Last night was pretty damn amazing. I wouldn’t say I came up with anything necessarily cooler than any other night, although I can say I like some things better than others but I had a much deeper experience outside of the music because of the music, if that makes sense.
There is a scene in Copying Beethoven where he is running from his abusive father to sleep under the stars and it was breath-taking. That showed me that the music came from a real place. He wasn’t waiting on ideas in front of his piano. His emotions had to come out in song.
That happened to me a few years ago where I ignored the world and made music because it was for me. I needed to get things out and didn’t care who heard it. I felt shocked that anyone would want to seeing as everyone in my life at that time was ignoring me.
As for last night, the best analogy I can give you is the scene where he is on his death bed and explaining the sounds he hears to his Copyist. He hears them because they came in on a wave of spirituality, not on his ego like previous pieces. I loved that he would describe the notes as if they were children.
This is the turn the music has taken. (No, I am not on my death bed…lol)
I say it’s “the music” and not “my music” because I don’t feel like I own it anymore. You might liken it to the day you realize your children are not actually yours. Sure every parent says, ‘my son’ or ‘my daughter’, but once you realize it’s your higher calling to raise another individual spirit, you do it with a superior revelation of love because you want what is best for them as opposed to them simply supplying you with joy. In turn, the joy you receive just watching them grow is your enlightened state.
I realized last night that the flow of music wasn’t actually coming from me. The song was going where it wanted and I felt like I was being pulled by its current. That hasn’t happened before. I thought it had, I have always told clients that the song is the boss, not me or them…but it’s becoming so clear to me that the language of music (like Michelangelo’s Angel) works without us as its own entity. I feel like we are just vessels for a higher message. I feel incredibly humbled by the undertow and I wonder what it wants.
For this very reason (not church or preachers) I know we are indeed spirits before and above being human. Music is a universal language that not everyone speaks, but everyone understands. We can be hated by everyone around us, frustrated by society’s dismal alleys and angered by injustice. We can feel like there is nobody listening and we have nobody to turn to. We can feel so incredibly saddened by our own desolation and trapped by misery and there, there on the edge of our skin is music, waiting to comfort, console and lift us up!
With a zillion religions out there, for me there is only one voice for God and he speaks fluent Music.
I am really looking forward to sharing it all with you, but like children…I need this collection to grow into its intention. I am enjoying being a spectator in it all.
I think like any good relationship, when we let go of the ownership, we are free to simply enjoy it. But then with the pure intention, there are all these tiny patches of wisdom and wonderment that come. I am glad to not need inspiration anymore because it means I can just have a relationship with the music. We shouldn’t need inspiration to have a relationship with our family or friends, right? We just experience them!
I've made music for my entire life, written thousands of songs and I feel like I am seeing it for the first time. Innocence is truly the most beautiful thing on earth. I think it’s so true when they say it has been stripped from us. I am sure there is a great ‘Why’ going on and I really don’t care right now. I am busy running through tall grass.
But, as always I am looking forward to the next wave of learning. I just need to stay wide-eyed…or maybe just still with my eyes closed….or maybe move really fast and run with scissors…who knows? ;)
Love you guys! Hope all is well!
Karen :)
“Music is the one incorporeal entrance into the higher world of knowledge which comprehends mankind but which mankind cannot comprehend.” ~Beethoven
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