Laziness is a term that gets thrown around a lot. You hear parents call their children that, you hear politicians accuse each other of being that and spouses yell it at the top of their lungs to each other. I even remember a teacher in my elementary school scream it at a student.
I’m certain there are lazy people out there, maybe even a whole bunch of them. But what I can’t seem to understand is are we born lazy or are we just too lazy to dig to the root of a person so we give them that title?
I remember someone in my own family accusing her husband of being a "fat, lazy slob". Well, let’s not even talk about how many things are wrong with her description. First off, it is mean. She may be right that he is lazy, but bookending the word with two physical traits is cowardly to me. I think there is a bigger truth lying behind the accusation.
If he won’t take out the garbage, clean the garage or pick up some things, he gets the term thrown at him. Now in looking at this;
a) She is a person who is constantly seeking his attention…to the point of nagging him to death. She didn’t care if he ever took a bag to the curb, she just hated that he didn’t "do" something she wanted. I would watch her take this nagging approach because she felt neglected by him. It’s sad, yes.
b) He is a person who has been brow-beaten to the point where he will say, "What difference would it make?" or "Why would I bother?" Those are not words of a lazy person. They are words of someone who is either depressed or defeated.
It seems to be a chicken or the egg scenario. Maybe he ignored her first, maybe she nagged him first, but what you can be sure of, both parties thinks it’s the other person’s doing why he is sitting there.
Feeling defeated seems to be indicative of a bigger epidemic these days. It may not be our family, it could be co-workers or even worse, a lack of work. We often lash out when we are stressed, but what seems worse to me is when you feel like the common spirit in your household is that of people who have be wiped out by their own overwhelming sadness. Many times we carry this feeling of being annihilated into future relationships (aka baggage) and then our new partner thinks we are lazy.
A person who seems lazy could be in poor health, physically or mentally. To just say someone needs to "get their ass up off the couch" is really not helpful. I also don’t know many people who are actually happy with remaining so uncomfortably idle. There must be a reason why they are sitting there. They could be depressed, defeated or incorporating an act of defiance against the person who is attacking them. It’s a bad sign in a relationship when someone has decided to sit in silence over the choice of clawing like a cornered cat. It renders a situation rather hopeless.
I really feel like we need to quit nagging at each other and pushing each other’s buttons. I’ve never known a good ass-kicking to do much beyond getting one thing done at the time of a beating. It’s also cruel, illegal and reflects badly on one’s character.
It would be nice if we could take a step back and realize we are on the same team. We’ve perpetuated an anger towards each other that makes us think our friends are our enemies. We have forgotten we are in it together. I also think in relationships, we all have our ups and downs and true love will be willing to cut each other some slack. Not only do we have a history of baggage, but we have current craziness coming at us! The term, "Two heads are better than one" comes to mind. I think if we can somehow get back on the same team again, we can put our twigs together to form a bond that is more difficult to break.
It’s a very difficult thing to hold our hand out to someone we deem lazy and offer to pull them up in a manner of love. Maybe instead of trying to pull them up, we can stop for a good old-fashioned hug and just breathe. Maybe it’s time to offer the olive branch again, promise to be there for them and show some grace. You never know when you could be the one who feels defeated and needs someone to be the stronger one.
Relationships fluctuate a lot and sometimes you have to change roles when necessary…when it’s your turn.
If we are still here, we are not defeated. :)
Much love on ya!
Karen :)
"What is defeat? Nothing but education; nothing but the first step to something better." ~Wendell Phillips
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