Define "so-so"

Many people from my childhood have crept back into my world because of Facebook. Some are good, some not so much, "click-click, delete!" lol I don’t even mind hearing how an old ex from high school is doing so long as they don’t try and pick up where they left off! ;P

I’ve been thinking about a message from a friend on there (I’m not mentioning her name, but she knows I am writing this—I hate shocking people with topics about them…) I asked her how she was doing. Her message back was something like, "I’m doing good, I am married to a guy who makes 6 figures and my daughter just landed an acting role and my son made the College basketball team…." ..and a bunch of other things going on AROUND her.

I thought I’d mess with her a bit, so I said, "So, your family is doing good. How are YOU doing?"

The rest of the conversation went something like,

She said, "Me, oh I am not doing very much."
Me; "That’s ok, I didn’t ask WHAT you were doing."
Her response; "Oh, so-so."
Me; "Define so-so."

So I don’t bore you with rambling dialogue, my assessment was that she wasn’t doing good at all. She didn’t need money and her children were well on their way to a great career start. It turned out she had spent her life parenting them (and a good job too, I might add…they seem like great kids) but she was suffering from a bit of empty nest syndrome coupled with no acquired skills outside of parenting and at a loss of where to go in her life. She wasn’t depressed so much as she felt "bland".

As much as I talk about depression, I feel like there is a growing number of people who are not depressed, but are simply; so-so. It’s like a half way point between "excellent" and "depressed" and there is a possibility or danger of it swinging either way.

After her and I talked it out, she came to her own revelation that her happiness was always external. This doesn’t have to do with a job-related success; it has to do with her inner core.

As we talked further, she realized that she was still trying to mother the way she was when the kids were young. This is admirable although not completely necessary. It’s taken her a long time to let go of the infant control and direct her attention to the things she’d like to do with her life. It’s also sometimes tough for parents to accept that their children are redirecting their attention to other things besides them.

I suspect her "so-so" demeanor is because she feels stagnant. She seems unsure of whether she should still be watching them or doing something she loves and I also imagine she feels a bit selfish for even looking outside of it.

This limbo state of so-so is different from depression but a person can feel like they still didn’t accomplish much at the end of a day.

So how does a person get out of the state of so-so? Well I’m not sure there is a definitive answer but for me I had to quit caring what others around me thought so much. This was everything from cutting my fingernails short so I could play guitar, not just my piano to shutting out public opinion while working on songs. Her initial response to me suggested her husband’s job might impress me as a fellow woman envious of how well-kept she is. But I really don’t care, I mean I am happy for them having his job and all, don’t get me wrong…I really just wanted to know how her spirit was feeling.

Everything she told me she loved to do was cross-cancelled by a reason why she couldn’t do it.

My response back? If you have a passion, I mean gut-wrenching passion to do something…nothing and nobody should be holding you back. Go chase it…

Or, you can remain in a state of so-so. That’s up to you. ;)

Much love on all of you!
Karen :)

"The old, subjective, stagnant, indolent and wretched life for woman has gone. She has as many resources as men, as many activities beckon her on as large possibilities swell and inspire her heart." ~Anna Julia Cooper