“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.” ~Mark Twain
I’ve been enjoying reading Mark Twain lately. When I feel especially detached from the things going on in the world, I strangely find comfort in the authors of yesteryears.
When I was a little girl, we had probably 50 stray cats on our farm at any given time. I know cats. I don’t know much else in life, but I knew enough not to try and carry one by its tail. It’s a perfect example of how to gain everlasting experience.
What I did do though is put the entire palm of my hand on a bright orange burner on the stovetop. Needless to say, I am very savvy in the kitchen now. The blisters formed identical circles. I was fortunate it healed, but I will never ever forget it.
I am especially sensitive to children near stoves because of it. I am an authority on the matter now!
It’s really tough to watch other people go for the burner or the cat’s tail and not interfere. If I think someone is going to injure themselves, I will absolutely yell at them. It’s like your child running on the road. You aren’t going to take the approach that they should just learn their own lesson.
But sometimes I find it difficult to leave people to their own lessons in matters of the heart. I am continuously screwing up and watching myself fall, but there are things I have experienced which I wish I could save others from having to go through. It’s part of why I blog on the topic of Depression and Isolation so much. It ruined such an enormous part of my life that I want to save others from going through it. I have learned to give up trying to control situations though. Control comes from either feeling out of control in your own life so you want to control someone else’s or you see someone going down a rough patch and you want to save them from it…especially when they seem, really out of control themselves.
I still find myself looking for solutions for those around me. This heavy stuff on my mind this week has been stewing a bit more than usual. The problem is I can’t get home right now for a bunch of reasons and I feel the emotional pull. I will go back soon but I need to get clear on my role. I still get hurled back to trying to find solutions for everyone especially since Mom is gone and it seems like the cubs are all fending for themselves. I keep forgetting I am also one of the cubs. So like them, I can alert the others to danger without Momma Bear around, but ultimately, we all have to go through our own struggles. This sits heavy with me. I totally know the right approach and yet here I am filled up with the heaviness of it all. It’s because I love them so much.
Worry isn’t proactive and isn’t helpful. It’s indicative of caring, but that’s about it. Stewing over the things back home doesn’t do anything. It’s just making me feel heavier.
Some of the things I mentioned feel like a child running across the street. Some life lessons shouldn’t end in death like the possible outcome of a car accident or what could have happened with this suicide attempt I alluded to. They indeed have the massive potential of instilling some lessons, but not everyone’s bottom is at the same depth.
I need to remind myself this week that my job is to keep in touch and show lots of love. I have to do it from a distance for now, but I’ll see them soon.
The biggest thing I am learning is how I need to give myself permission to let go a bit.
Life is super tough, but it’s not my responsibility to steer it. I have to realize the fine line between something being my responsibility or problem and keeping a good grip on my compassion. This is the balancing act. Too many people shut off their emotions altogether in order to not deal with something. I am unwilling to give up compassion.
Wearing oven mitts around the cat,
Karen :)
“Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.” ~Leo Buscaglia
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