You Don’t Have to Do Anything You Don’t Want To

I get invited to parties and functions. If I was super bored out of my mind, I could crawl into every corner of Los Angeles’ ‘steamy’ scene.

My answer when someone asks if I want to, I say. “I don’t want to.”

The answers people usually give range from “I’m washing my hair” to “I have to stay home with my pet parakeet, he’s not feeling well”. I don’t know if you can’t find the energy as I get older to bother with excuses, but basically my answer is “I don’t want to” because it’s the truth.

Then the follow-up question is; “Why don’t you want to?” and my answer is “I just don’t want to”. I had a giggle this past year when a friend of mine was moving from her apartment and she asked me if I wanted her ‘Smores Maker’. At the time I was more eloquent and said, “You know what? You should give that to someone who really wants it and will use it and appreciate it”. The wording was a nice way of saying, “I don’t want it, I won’t use it and I won’t appreciate it.” Lol

I actually don’t mind when someone asks why I don’t want to. I’m not annoyed because after all, they cared enough to invite me to begin with. Their follow-up question might be enough to get me out of the house for a night when I am feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes, you say no because you are used to saying no. I’m glad when they ask it, but I remain as honest as possible in my answers.

If I get asked enough times to do something you don’t want to do, I tend to wonder if the person knows me at all. It’s kind of like when someone buys me a pink sweater. Well, of course it’s not something you will see me wear. If someone is that way off base with me, I don’t think it’s wrong to tell them I don’t wear pink. Does this sound crass? Let me explain;

If someone is that confused about who I am and has not paid attention to the fact I never wear it and there is nothing in my home that’s pink, I think they must have taken no interest in me. Now in all fairness, if a lady who lives next door to my Gramma who I have met once wanted to knit me a pink sweater, I would let her know how sweet that was. I’m not suggesting someone has zero motivation by not knowing my colors but when people who are close to me want to take me to a Hollywood VIP Party, I have to really ask myself, ‘Does this person know anything about me at all?’ I have learned to assess who is my crowd and who isn’t. This could come off as only some people are allowed on the Playground. That’s not true. The perspective I have is that they are trying to drag me to their playground where I can’t be free to play and I feel caged.

To go to some club and spend 6 hours there is the most ridiculous waste of time I can imagine. What I can do at home in 6 hours gives me more joy. I’m really a home-body. I have learned to love the quiet.

The same goes for me engaging in conversations where I feel bullied to talk to someone. My answer is, “I’m done with the conversation.” I have been accused of not finishing the argument. Some arguments don’t have an end, some people talk in circles in a condescending, dizzying style and I have learned to recognize that. Plus, my time is more valuable. When asked why I won’t finish the conversation, my answer is; “I don’t want to.” You can’t get more honest than that. This also protects my spirit without compromising my character and lets people know I don’t engage in war.

Well, then I get accused of not loving them the same as others who get my attention, therefore I don’t spread true love. I love what a friend told me yesterday; “People are never banned, only the mentalities.” I am not putting up a wall in between me and others, I am protecting myself from further harm. I am protecting my spirit. Nobody has to listen to false allegations, abuse or anger from another person if they think it’s harmful. I had a Mother who pulled me from an abusive relationship for my own good. I distinctly know what is healthy for me and what isn’t.

It’s not my job to fix anyone or enlighten anyone here, I simply share. I am not the all-knowing, all-powerful shepherd of the flock. I’m not some strong Psychiatrist or Doctor who is so strong in spirit that I can handle any scene or any dialog from any person. Those people are truly gifted. I am one sheep with some typing skills and a camera. It’s unfair to put that on me. If I don’t want to do something, I simply don’t have to. Through my own journey and struggles, something I have learned is to be very careful about what I engage in so my spirit doesn’t get damaged in its fragile state. This doesn’t mean I consider myself weak, it’s more like a Diabetic being mindful of how much sugar they ingest. In short, I know what’s good for me and what isn’t. That is the extent of my ‘power’ over here; just the realization that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to.

Overall, like the pink sweater I am more annoyed if someone doesn’t pay attention enough to know me first. Being asked to go to a Hollywood function is their assumption that because I live here and work here I must do those things too.
Being put on some ridiculous pedestal because I have a large community around me is equally as insane. For those who know me, you’ll know I consider myself just as messed up as all of you. Hahahaha

For those who TRULY know me, you will know that by trying to engage me by pressing buttons or cornering me into a conversation it’s not going to end well. This shouldn’t be a shock when it goes to pot.

I believe we can really help people, we have the power to do this. I believe we can love people too. I think it’s important for each of us to watch out for one thing though. Does the thing you are being asked to engage in compromise who you are? If someone wants you to do something, engage in something or even wear something (lol) that isn’t a part of your character or could do damage to your character, I think it’s good to really assess the pros and cons.

Too old for peer pressure,

Karen :)

Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission.”

~Arnold Bennett

1 comment:

  1. Hi Karen!!!
    So true. Realizing that I don't have to do what I don't want to is one of those blessings that has made my life much simpler and enjoyable.
    Maybe I could invite you to go for a hike with Panda and I at our favorite park, if the wind ever blows you to Massachusetts???
    Btw, Panda says she wouldn't wear pink either.. LOL!!!
    Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!!!!
    Anja and Panda ;)))