Are you Tired of Thinking Positively?

The Written Blog contains some of the Video Blog below for those who prefer reading;

I don’t think I would necessarily consider myself a fan of the Power of Positive Thinking movement. I find too many Power Speakers get you worked up and then send you back to the fire with no water to put it out. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have a positive outlook and I gotta say negative thinking hasn’t helped anything. I find it insulting though when you are going through something really horrific and people talk so positively about it, it seems like a book programmed them to speak that way.

I consider myself to be a more of a realist in that I don’t like to ignore the truth rather I am a fan of facing it head-on and coming up with some sort of game-plan or appropriate action rather than have any emotion interfere with it. I hate offending someone in the middle of something traumatic by suggesting they should look at the bright side. That isn’t helpful. Sometimes people just need a drink of water.

I do, however believe a portion of the problems we get ourselves into are a direct correlation of having negative thinking to begin with. It at least compounds the situation. If we are a negative person, we are more likely to attract negativity.

I remember reading that quote, “you can’t manifest prosperity by the thought, ‘I hate being poor’”. Ok, I would agree with that. Maybe the switch in our thinking should be to just ditch the obvious negativity.

‘I hate being poor’ is not helpful and redundant. However, I also don’t believe that we can manifest prosperity by just the thought either. It simply requires action.

When I used to assist women with their weight-loss, I would hear story after story which always included, “I am so sick of being told to ‘think thin’”. I would always laugh with them, tell them how glad I was they escaped the wrath of whoever told them that, welcomed them to their newly found freedom and we would begin a realistic plan for them. This power of positive thinking can actually be a weight on someone’s neck. For the person who works hard all day long, is a single mom with lots of children, ‘thinking herself thin’ is so unbelievably poisonous to her already crazy day.

Now I when I would hear, ‘I hate being fat’ time after time, my response would be, “I have never heard someone say that before!” I would hold their hand, tell them lovingly that at least that statement signifies they aren’t alone because I heard it from every person and again, we would start systematically coming up with a realistic plan. The idea was to just get rid of redundant statements.

Of course I would agree with the idea that our brain is in control so really, how it thinks will dictate our actions. If this is true, why aren’t we telling our bodies to move? Most of this positive thinking is just one side of our brains telling the other side how to feel. It begins a banter which keeps us in state of inaction, procrastination and ultimately depressed about it all. Our overwhelming feelings are just as exhausting as

Most things can be broken into steps. In fact, nature works this way. If you want to bake a loaf of banana bread, you need to do it in steps. You can’t mix the batter while it’s baking and you can’t eat it while it’s 400 degrees. Then while eating it you have to do it in bite-sized pieces in order to digest it.

You also can’t think a loaf of bread to appear on your counter top, it requires action. What is problematic is when we decide making the bread is too much like work. That negative thought is not helpful and takes up a good part of our thinking space. Our decision to simply not make it would be better than beating ourselves up for being too lazy to get up and do it. Sitting around thinking about our problems can simply absorb valuable time.

What I have been trying to do is cause my body to move. If I have a problem, it’s better to go out for a walk and think about the solutions rather than stare at a wall from a chair. At the very least, we can get the blood flowing so our brain is capable of coming up with a solution.

When these women at the center would say, ‘I hate being fat.’ I would also ask them if they hated that statement more. I would ask them how the statement helps them anytime they’ve said it more than once.

‘Let’s go talk on the bikes’ was something I would do. The initial consult would happen in my office to determine medical issues etc, then we’d go out on the floor.

It’s amazing what people will share while sitting side by side on the bikes. They relax their speech, they laugh more, they confide in you more. Then, they’d leave there feeling good. Part of feeling good came from raising their serotonin levels on the bike but I would always see their glow coming from opening up and being honest with me. To me, if we could identify the hurdles first, we could tailor the plan according to their individual needs.

I love seeing couples going for walks together. I also love seeing friends walking with each other. That sort of action makes a person at least feel like they are moving forward, they are using the power of their brain in a truly positive way by telling their bodies to move instead of just to think positively and they tend to open up to friends or family more honestly.

I would highly recommend the next time you need to chat with your child, spouse or friend; you invite them to go out walking with you.

If you are on the phone with a friend, take the cordless outside or at the very least, walk around the house instead of sitting on the couch. I personally find it keeps things way more positive.

I guess I really just like action with the absence of redundant negativity. Yes, some situations are negative, but we don’t have to keep playing the same thought over and over. Now, I do like the idea of being wildly excited about things and being enthusiastic about life…just not a fan of the regurgitated positive message without a solution. I do consider myself hopeful overall…

Considering a helmet-cam for future Videos,

Karen :)

“I just need somewhere to dump all my negativity.” ~Van Morrison

Is Your Flower Dead?

...or wilting?

The following video blog contains some of the written blog as well for those who prefer reading;

“There is nothing wrong with God’s creation. Mystery and Suffering only exist in the mind…” ~Ramana Maharshi

I was thinking of some potential dialog as a man asking a boy;

“Do you know how to make a flower?”

The boy says, “Sure, you plant a seed in the ground.”

The man responds, “Is that it?”

The boy adds, “Well, you have to plant it in the sun and make sure you water it.”

That seems to be the end of the analogy we are used to hearing. But let me add onto it;

The man asks, “Do you tell everyone you are responsible for making that flower?”

The boy says, “Yes, of course, if I worked hard to grow it, I will tell everyone.”

The man speaks softly and says, “Did I ask you if you grew it?”

The boy looks confused, “Wasn’t that the question?”

The man laughs, “No I asked you if you knew how to make a flower.”

The funny thing is we do this a lot in life where we exclude the spirit, creator, world or people around us in the things which go well in our life and the things which go wrong. We are also quick to blame something external if our flower died.

In reading Ramana’s quote, it spurs a ton of thought. “There is nothing wrong with God’s creation.” Well, even if you don’t believe someone made the earth, it’s hard to argue that it is wonderfully put together. If you have ever visited all the wonders of the world or gone for a simple walk in the bush, you’ll most likely understand the earth is very cool.

It’s difficult to agree with the entire quote even though I am always thankful when anything causes me to think. In the same way a quote I don’t necessarily agree with can spur thought, I have come to understand I can view the world as being dynamically put together. Mystery may only be in the mind for all I know, maybe the answers are waiting for us if we aren’t lazy enough to look. Suffering could be optional or it could be real. I think pain is real perhaps, suffering is optional like suggested.

The bigger idea behind the whole quote is the thought that we place the blame on things which have been here for years. In the conversation I constructed above, I was giving an analogy of how we forget to thank the external sources, but so often we place blame on them like the first part of Ramana’s quote.

“The world sucks” has become a very popular saying. I don’t believe the world sucks. Placing blame on the world or anyone in it may have assisted in our fall, but we were part of it even if by 1%.

I also don’t believe this attitude happens the other way around where we become truly thankful when good things happen. We celebrate with alcohol and festivities. We stand on podiums saying how awesome we are. We proclaim things like “I did it!” There is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself, but be sure like the flower, you didn’t get there all by yourself. You can at least thank the ground you walked on if you can’t muster up thanks for anyone else.

I also feel that like the flower, we are only responsible for the parts we can control. You don’t have to stuff a bunch of information inside a seed. It reminds me of when I have to fly somewhere. I remember Frank and I flying to NY from LA to work on a record there. I was complaining about how agitated I was and my legs were crowded. He looks at me and says, “I love to fly. I don’t have to do anything. The phones aren’t ringing and guess what? I don’t have to fly the plane either. Imagine if you had to stay awake and alert and were responsible for getting everyone safely across the country. You have no responsibility here.”

I think I understand what Ramana was saying in his quote although I think it’s multi-tiered. We can relieve ourselves of the responsibility, give credit where it is due, we can quit blaming everyone and everything around us and we can view our own suffering as optional.

I do love things that cause me to think deeply. I think this particular one helps me to let go of the control a bit and enjoy the information like what is inside the seed that I was not responsible for.

I believe if we slot ourselves into the world as opposed to forcing it into a shape which isn’t in alignment; we can not only breathe better, but actually begin to enjoy life instead of hating it so much.

Hope you are loving life and if you don’t, does something seem out of your control? Can you let go of it?

If your flower has died, was it your flower to begin with? Is it possible the life of that flower is only so long? Are there any seeds in it you can replant? Can you make art from the dead parts?

Pressing leaves in a book,

Karen :)

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” ~Henry Ellis

What’s Bothering You Right Now?

Can you say nothing is bothering you?

I usually don’t do those quizzes that go around, I don’t generally like the answers. But I’ve seen the results on a few people’s pages now and I was fascinated by the stats of what is bothering people.

Here is how a typical one would look;

1) : Heartbreak: 15%

2) : Worry: 6%

3) : Guilt: 4%

4) : Sorrow: 39%

5) : Jealousy: 9%

6) : Emptiness: 8%

7) : Nothing: 21%

Maybe you are really in tune with what is bothering you and you could give the percentages without taking a quiz or maybe this is the first time you are thinking about breaking down the things which are bothering you and you are horrified with how many potential ones could be there.

While a quiz isn’t deemed professionally accurate and believe me, I’m not taking it as such, I find it very intriguing to see everyone’s numbers. Unfortunately, I think quizzes like this could possibly just keep a person affixed to their problems but maybe for others it could alert them.

I try to take a lesson from everything in life without allowing any one thing or person to be the teacher. I would hope a quiz like that could let someone know that it isn’t one thing bothering them and they could systematically go through the list and see how each could be conquered. I’ll give you my thoughts on each part with the assumption the averages are equal.

1. Heartbreak; This one to me seems to have the easiest fix but hurts a lot. So far, I don’t think anyone has died of a broken heart and between love songs and time, most people can get past it. Understanding that having our hearts broken is not life-threatening can also assist in healing. It just has that brutal sting like 80s Metal Ballads would suggest.

2. Worry; the Silent Killer. I touched on this in several blogs including ‘What Are You Stewing Over?’. Worry is not only very bad for our insides, but it can be indicative of us wanting to control a situation too much. We worry about our loved ones and to think of them seems to be fine, but worrying ourselves into stomach acid has the potential of taking over our emotions in an obsessive way. Our spirits can’t afford to give away that kind of energy. It’s best to tackle problems using action instead of worry.

3. Guilt; This is another topic we have discussed fairly extensively but always worth bringing up. It’s enormously hard to ask someone for their forgiveness but these days more people seem to know how to do it. We have a bigger problem I think in forgiving ourselves. Understanding that we can’t change the past but improve ourselves has been part of my method in healing from guilt.

4. Sorrow; This is defined as sadness, regret and distress all rolled up into one. It was almost unfair for the quiz to not break it down further. I’ll just view it as sadness. I am finding more often than not that my sadness is an accumulation of all the others while at the same time is a side effect of my pain. Sorrow is very tricky to deal with which is why Depression is so tricky. I couldn’t even begin to deal with my sadness unless I tackled all these other areas one by one.

5. Jealousy; Like Heartbreak, I found a solution to getting over this one. I had to realize that when it comes to relationships, if someone has taken my place, I need to wish them both happiness. I am able to do this by recognizing that I do not own another person. Extreme jealousy can come from having the feeling of ownership or thinking we can control someone. If you see an ex really happy in a relationship, it would stand to reason we should also be happy for them. Jealousy in that instance means you are putting your feelings above theirs but it also indicates that we aren’t seeing the bigger picture or our intention is poorly motivated. Perhaps something better or just different is waiting for us.

But when it comes to our friends and their possessions, jealousy can be ugly when we start attacking people for their slightest weaknesses in order to make what they have seem less. Envy is another thing which is problematic.

6. Emptiness; My largest error in looking at my emptiness was thinking it could be fulfilled by another individual. Relieving others of the responsibility of trying to make me whole freed us all.

7. Nothing; It’s probably inaccurate to think nothing is bothering a person and I have no idea why it is part of the quiz. Maybe you could say 21% of people have nothing bothering them right now, but it’s hard to break down 100% and say 21% of your worry is nothing. I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt and say the quiz is suggesting 21% of the worry is made-up or about nothing. In that case, maybe the word imagination could go in its place. Let me run with that. ;)

Imagining problems that aren’t there is so , uh…problematic. I believe this is the part of our spirit we can channel into art. If your imagination is on full bore, maybe you could go paint, write, draw or work on music.

When I take away the problems which are imaginary, I don’t really have much to worry about at all.

Remind me to never take that quiz, I’ll just worry about my results. ;)

Wondering why full bore couldn’t be spelled b-o-a-r to make it really fun,

Karen :)

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

~Albert Einstein

When Two Emotions Fight for Space

I bet most of us have more than two... ;)

I received such a great email from someone who ordered a CD for a friend of theirs who just did 22 years in prison. He got his Associates Degree while in there. His real Father lied to him saying his Mother was dead but it turns out he was kidnapped by his Father. Recently, he had a reunion with his real Mother. Can you imagine the emotions in that room? Must have been awesome…

I think it’s natural to feel like something has stolen our time. For this man, I don’t know why he was in there but he did that time. The time he really had taken from him was the time with his Mother. I don’t know if he was bitter about that or excited at the potential of getting something back he thought didn’t exist to begin with.

There are two ways we can look at situations in our own life. We can harbor a lot of resentment over the thing which has been stolen or we can accept the here and now and start fresh today. This can be difficult to do. We tend to look at our own lives in terms of years and the more wasted years we string together, the more likely we are to think our life is one big useless ride.

What if this accumulation of years is all able to be cross-cancelled by a single moment? Our brains are drawn to the event or events which we feel ruined our existence but how can we talk ourselves into the notion that one moment in time could make it all worthwhile? We seem to love these reunions on reality TV shows, what if we put the same emphasis on a single moment in our lives?

When I look back on my life, the best parts have been the moments. Now I will say I wished I had more of those and I am working on making all my moments worthwhile. It’s extremely difficult to not live with regrets which we’ve discussed before but it’s equally difficult to shred the bitterness.

Getting rid of harbored anger and bitterness seems to be essential in order to make room for potential good things to happen. How can you fully enjoy this moment right now if you are spending it in an angry state, bitter towards someone who has harmed you in the past? I don’t know too many people who can experience two extreme emotions at the same time, so I think it would stand to reason that one has to go.

Those of us who have tricked our brains into thinking we can experience fullness of life and bitterness at the same time really seem to be just shoving one or the other in the back of our heads. We can sit in bitterness while one part of our brain longs to be whole again, but the split tends to be what makes us emotionally unstable and shaky every day.

Maybe the reason why we have good moments but bad years is because there is a power in the good moments which not only is strong enough to devour he bad times but our hearts are working hard to fight for it despite our obsession with the bad stuff.

So, how do we ever begin to tip the scales in favor of the good times? I think for me, I recognize that it has to be a conscious devoted effort towards making my days good. It has had to be a choice. If you have had enough bad programming and your computer is infested with virus’, it’s going to take a very strong antivirus program to wipe it out.

Moreso, I have learned that I don’t have to delete my bad memories but I can organize them better (gain perspective on them) and store them on an external hard drive where I can access them only for vital bits of information that will assist in my new program working better. If they don’t assist, they stay on back-up.

I don’t think destroying the hard drive with the bad memories serves a purpose. We like the easy fix for our issues but small cancerous cells can creep up at any time on our system in the form of bitterness and we have to be aware of that potential.

Both good and bad times make up our lives, but it’s good to remember it’s the make-up of EVERYONE’s life. We are not alone, this is how it works. The sooner I can wrap my head around this, the sooner I can gain the perspective and move on with living.

I love hearing about people having new beginnings like this man, but we all have a new beginning in every single moment, not just the big events.

I get very tired watching two emotions fighting for the space in my head, think I’ll let referee this a bit.

Betting on the good guy,

Karen :)

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” ~Peter Nivio Zarlenga

Who is Making you that Angry?

Angry? Nah, nobody's angry. ;)

The written blog is a condensed version of the Video Blog;

Yesterday I had a chat with a friend who started off with “I’m so sick of _____ telling me what to do” followed up by “He just makes my blood boil” and “makes me sick to my stomach”. She capped it all off with “he knows how to push my buttons”.

Well of course, these are supposed to be metaphorical for being angry and upset but when stomach is upset, blood is boiling and the word ‘sick’ gets used twice to describe the feeling, someone’s bodily functions are in question. Lol

As it turns out, this guy didn’t get her to do what he wanted her to, but he did make her feel ill. So, she lost control of the situation either way. The phrase “he knows how to push my buttons” is the tell-tale part of that. Of course we all have things which have the potential of infuriating us. Hiccups do it for me because they take over and I lose control. :)

There has been an ongoing ‘argument’ about whether anger is useful. I have heard the debates, I have heard everyone’s reasons for when to get angry and when not to. One thing I don’t like is when it’s presumed ok to use getting angry as reason to get back something you really believe in. The reason I dislike it is because if you are really passionate about changing something you think is ‘immoral’, ‘ignorant’ or ‘wrong’, I feel it cross-cancels your cause and who your character is. I feel as though we are programmed to be angry. ‘Getting angry at injustice’ is a phrase I am annoyed by because injustice is very wrong and I would really agree, but I don’t like that the word ‘justice’ has been hijacked by the word ‘angry’ and taken on a trip around the world. I am a firm believer that problems can be solved without being angry. If real change is to happen, it won’t be anger that fixes it. It will be consolidated, intelligent action from loving, compassionate, passionate people coming together for the greater good and representing good. If we are to support bringing ‘goodness’ back, we should represent ‘goodness’ with good things.

If we think family has become divided, should we go out there representing family by using anger to try and get family values back or would it be better to show a good example of family and be a good example of family?

Let me go back to the phrase she used, “he knows how to push my buttons”. He seems to know what aggravates her, what annoys her, what makes her angry, what shuts her down and what debilitates her, but I still am not seeing healing taking place. We do this in relationships, at work, in politics and religion. We do this without children and neighbors. We seem to have become experts at knocking the chip off of someone’s shoulder, we know what part of a knee-cap to slam a baseball bat into. We know what kind of dialog will confuse the enemy but we don’t know how to practice peace.

So he knows how to make her shut down but I think it’s fair to say she knows how to receive the intended emotions. It’s become so classically obvious. He pushes the buttons…she falls into a heap on the floor.

“Same time tomorrow, hunny?”

“Sure! I’ll see it coming, I’ll recognize the dialog and I will crumple at the same place in our home.”

“Look forward to seeing you then.”

When we acknowledge someone knows how to push our buttons, isn’t this a realization that not only have they found the weak spot, but we actually HAVE the weak spot?

What I have done that seems to work for me is I have found my weak spots and started to strengthen them. If you have a crack in the foundation or a center beam ready to fold that is going to make the house fold, wouldn’t it be wise to get it fixed? Our bodies and souls are our house! Our own temple needs to be solid! Instead of trying to fix something we hate in the other person, wouldn’t it be wise to fix our cracks so their storms can’t blow us over like some little pig’s hay house?

I am recognizing the things which anger me but I am also realizing that making someone else angry doesn’t help, invite change or make them feel very good.

I’ve mentioned him before, but Frank Gryner is my role model in this area. I have known Frank for over 5 years now and he doesn’t require anger to get anything done in his life. He systematically deals with issues respectfully, compassionately and lovingly without getting hot-headed. Getting hot-headed to him means losing control of the situation and his emotions. It’s not even entertained as a means to get something done. He’s a good listener and makes good business decisions. He’ll tell you it’s because it is how adults should deal with problems. He doesn’t think he’s doing anything outside the norm at all. He doesn’t think he’s honed in on some new technique. He does things systematically and intelligently.

I do understand it’s a very popular thing to say anger can be helpful and I fully expect there to be lots of people respond with how helpful anger is. Let me put out that fire now by saying you most likely have many times in your life where anger worked for you in changing a situation. That’s your prerogative. I am pretty sure though, it’s not near as brilliant as Frank’s approach. ;)

I think emoting and invoking anger is one approach to solving problems. I just don’t feel like anger makes anyone feel good. I am hoping we can get past just trying to control and fix everything so we can rediscover relationships with each other again. That would ROCK! We can continue to fritter away our days and never really get to live or we can gain full control of our emotions so we can use them and channel them towards this greater good we keep threatening.

Working on my temper when the hiccups flare up,

Karen :)

“Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.” ~Louis L’Amour

10 Things I've Learned from My Dog

Written blog is the 'condensed' version of the Video; ;)

Has your pet taught you more than you have taught them? Here’s a great article I read today;

Ten Things I've Learned from My Dog;

~Let Your Loved Ones Know You Love Them

When we're hanging out, or driving in the car, my dog loves to check out the scenery. Play with Dino or Monkey (her favorite toys) sometimes play tug of war with me, stick her head out the window, run around like the puppy she is. But then every now and again she'll pass by me and stop and lick my elbow, knee, tummy, or ankle. Basically the first body part she sees, whether the skin is exposed or not. Doesn't matter. She just gives me a lick and moves on.

(Dogs are totally uninhibited in their affection, and I wish I could be more like that.)

~There is adventure all around you.

My dog can turn a backyard into a wonderland amusement park. There are things to chase, smells to track, there's a compost pile that basically acts as a coal pit that needs mining for a diamond.

(No detail of life around a dog goes unnoticed or unappreciated; upon a dog no detail is wasted. The attempt to appreciate everything around us--and be wildly excited by it--is absolutely transcendent)

~ Don't be afraid to ask for what you want.

Hungry? Let someone know. Have to go the bathroom? Rock it. Want attention? Butt people in the leg until they pet you into a love-loves coma. Dogs make it obvious their wishes and wants, and they make it increasingly more obvious until their desires are satisfied. Not that they are totally bull headed or stubborn about it--they submit to the leader, who essentially decides if they will be fulfilled or not.

(Humans have to be the puppy and the dog owner both; we experience the desires and decide how to fulfill them. As much as we need to balance our desires, we also need to be more vocal about what we need in our everyday life)

~Always be curious.

Lucy loves to climb the counters and eat anything she can get her nose into. Now, this means she's eaten raisins and mouse poison, but she's also gotten her fair share of treats and goodies on the sly.

(Dogs know to try everything; it might land you in the hospital, it might get you a treat, but taking chances is always worth the risk)

~Enjoy the simple things

My father's dog literally runs in a happy circle every time she defecates. Lucy sleeps and relaxes with happy abandon. Eating a meal is a highlight of the day, and a walk in the park is just as good as it gets.

(Dogs really know how to appreciate the most basic things in our lives)

~Trust your instincts

Bella--my father’s dog--can hear the door open (it chimes) and then she tenses up, and starts barking until one of the humans recognizes the entering person. And despite being a puppy, she has a biiiig bark. Lucy starts to growl any time someone she doesn't know comes too close to the car when we're inside it.

(Dogs blend their instincts with social cues and act based on those two things alone. It may not be polite, it may not be correct, but they think of who and what they love above all else. Trusting your instincts is something everyone needs to do)

~Trust your loved ones.

Dogs have an innate and infinite trust in their owners; once a bond develops between a dog and another person, it is forever and takes a lot to break.

(So once you choose someone, a loved one, a friend, once you put your trust in them, let it be infinite)

~Greet people like you haven't seen them in a million years.

Dogs do not pull punches. They feel something and they let it show. So whenever my dog sees me, she flips out and starts wagging so hard she shakes, and licking everything she can get her tongue on.

(It makes me feel so loved, so appreciated. I'm trying to greet people like that, with genuine excitement, and real love. You'd be amazed at the response you get)

~Assume that everyone adores you.

This sounds conceited, but it's essentially the recipe for confidence. Assume that no one is immune to your cuteness and your charm overcomes all obstacles, and people will begin to believe you.

~Spend as much time as you can with the ones you love.

Let’s be honest, dogs like to be in the center of the action--and at least mine likes to be the center of attention. But she's happy as long as she's with her family--nothing is more important to her.

(Maybe we all need to reprioritize like a dog does)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I thought I’d include our pets in the life lessons we receive. The pets I have had in my life taught me to stop and smell the flowers. I hate when I see pet owners pull their dogs on their entire walk. What’s the point of having a pet if you can’t enjoy time with them?

Wondering who the next critter will be to show me something in life,

Karen :)

“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ~Winston Churchill

You Just Had to Punch that Gift Horse, huh?

I know, I know...my Video Blog goes off on a tangent. I'll reel it in someday...or not...lol;

There is a hysterical scene in Anchorman between Will Ferrell and Christina Applegate. She is the new sexy woman at the News Station and Will Ferrell who is the Top Anchorman in the city feels it’s his duty to go introduce himself.

Ron Burgundy: I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal.

Veronica Corningstone: Really.

Ron Burgundy: People know me.

Veronica Corningstone: Well, I'm very happy for you.

Ron Burgundy: Um, I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

When you watch it, you laugh at how over-the-top it is. Nobody ACTUALLY talks that way, right?

Yeah I didn’t think so for a long time either.

You would think I would be referring to the big Hollywood actors, but I’m not. The real-life people I have met are the ones who think they are bigger than they really are. I would like to think most people who are accomplished don’t talk that way.

Many people have worked very hard to get to the top of their field and I have a healthy respect for them, but I never want to hear from them how good they are. Some of them get there all by their lonesome without the help of others. How fun is that, right? ‘YAY! I am standing at the top by myself, screw everyone else!’

Most of my experience with ego is in the entertainment industry. Some ego is good to be able to get up on stage and put out a daring unapologetic performance. That is healthy confidence so you can deliver to the audience. Then there is the ego which is plain arrogance where you have a sense of entitlement and you don’t believe in being a team player. These people almost always screw themselves. The music industry is especially small and interwoven. It’s the most stupid thing you can do these days to pull ego or act entitled. Not even the top dogs in the industry can get away with it. If Ellen Degeneres all of a sudden started acting all entitled and bigheaded, her audience would reject her. Nobody wants to see that kind of thing. It’s almost impossible for me to personal connect with an artist, entertainer, writer or musician who is constantly looking out for number one.

Looking out for number one is something we were taught as children, but the flaw in it is the child has the potential of ONLY looking out for themselves, which in this industry does not bode well.

Once again, this week I saw another classic case of someone punching a gift horse straight in the center of its mouth based on their ego and consequently burned the bridge with the entire team who was trying to give him an opportunity. It seems like the kind of dialog that should have been left back in the 70s like the Anchorman movie dialog. Unbelievable, but it really happened.

We are truly living in times where community is the best thing to happen to an artist but the old-school industry mentality is still hanging on by threads.

A sense of entitlement or arrogant behavior doesn’t seem to be limited to ego-driven jobs like in the Arts. People find it in their work place where someone who is somewhere between them and the boss is acting like the know-it-all. It’s tough to deal with because it not only makes you uncomfortable, but it makes a heavy cramp in the workplace. People who feel like they have received the raw end of the stick for their life can feel entitled. People with poor self-esteem can feel entitled. People who haven’t interacted with people enough feel that way. I would see some people from my small town walk into a big recording studio and stick their foot right in their mouth because they thought by acting like they knew more than they did, or by pumping air into their own bicep via their thumb, they could gain the admiration and attention of everyone around them.

The truth of the matter is that if this person would have been more grateful for the opportunities he was given and would have just slotted himself into the team mentality, he would have grown with everyone. Being a good listener goes farther than talking too much. Bullying a group meeting and conference call to try and get people to notice you or pulling ‘prima donna’ moves isn’t going to impress and you most likely will shove yourself back down the ladder you so desperately are trying to topple. On top of that, sabotaging the efforts of the team just puts you on the no-call list. That is really said when it reaches that.

‘I think’, ‘I feel’ and ‘I believe’ goes a long way. There is nothing wrong with talking about your feelings without dominating a group… with the things you consider facts.

Here’s my opinion on the ladder. There’s not one ladder. There is a majestic staircase with enough room for us to all walk hand in hand to reach our goals as a team. People who are still trying to look out for number one are not only going to sit miserably by themselves, but they will miss the opportunity to be part of community who is willing to help them and love them. It doesn’t have to be lonely at the top. We should all be able to heal, grow and excel…but I think it’s better to do it as a team.

Of course, this is just a bunch of junk that I think, feel and believe. ;)

I am always sad when one person makes the decision to play outside the team. It bothers me as I want everyone to be able to play but I also know when to allow controlling people to go their way.

Going to see if the horse is ok,

Karen :)

“If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.” ~Dalai Lama

Who Are You?

The Video Blog contains some of the written blog......plus....some other stuff. ;)

“The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder.” ~Jim Morrison

I am not a fan of the curriculum in schools. It teaches us to be well-rounded. If someone was to ask you what percentage of your schooling has actually assisted you in life, what would your answer be?

Here is how I rate my schooling;

Public School; Socializing Skills 5/10

Math & Science 9/10

The Arts 7/10

Physical Activity 9/10

High School ; Socializing Skills 3/10

Math & Science 4/10

The Arts 9/10

Physical Activity 2/10

I should have been home-schooled. Being bullied and picked on didn’t assist in me learning how to communicate or socialize. Public School was very good for teaching me basic Math & Science while High School was overrun with teachers who talked over my head and made me feel like my life would be useless without Math or Science. I only rated the Arts high in both because they saved me from the rest and I was good at them, but perhaps I should rate the curriculum low because they downplayed the necessity for them. Physical Activity was really encouraged in Public School but frowned upon in High School. You would be considered evil if you missed Math or Science class to go play Volleyball or Track and Field.

In looking back, I could have gone straight from Public School to an Arts College. I would have ended up in a better place because I would have been around people who would possibly accept me (or at least understand the need for the Arts) and I would be away from the people who made me feel like crap for years.

In its feeble attempt to churn out well-rounded children, the Education system doesn’t even do that. Well-rounded came out of 80 % of teacher’s mouths letting us know how important that was, but most students just leave confused, not knowing who they are or where to go with their life. A school counselor may tell them where to go, but the curriculum was forced-fed, so like a zombie, they just obey the next step. I’ll tell you who doesn’t that; a few teachers out of 10. You will find some rare gems in the teaching system who work a bit outside the curriculum to introduce students to themselves. I am thankful for those few. I recall one teacher at my High School who’s name, funny enough was Miss Cool. Seriously, Cool was her last name; Aileen Cool. She was super cool. I saw her sneaking around the system for the benefit of kids all the time. I am very thankful for her. She would encourage me to join the drama department and ask me a lot of questions about myself.

I am also thankful for my Mother who did not commit murder by forcing me to destroy the person I really am like Jim said. This is indeed a subtle kind of murder.

It’s actually a slow death which begins for some people in childhood and completely ruins their character by the time they are 20. Then they spend the next few decades trying to ‘find themselves’.

I am reminded of the scene in the Doors where Jim says; “Raise your hands if you understand! Alive, any of you alive? Let's take a poll; how many of you know you're really alive?!” Then he says; “BS! Plastic soldiers in a miniature dirt war! C'mon! How many of you people know you're alive? How many of you people know you're really alive?”

“Plastic soldiers in a dirt war” –what a fantastic analogy….programmed by the system to just do what everyone else is doing.

Parents and relatives often think they are doing what is best for us but channeling us in the way which makes them feel more secure. It’s good to see what their motivation is, I’m sure in many cases it’s because they worry about us. My Mother never forced us to learn subjects we had zero interest in. Instead, she encouraged us to take the path which was in alignment with our spirits. It doesn’t always pay as good, but I have a huge list of people I know working at good paying jobs who are not happy.

I’m sure it could be argued that they should be happy to have the work. I would agree with that. But surviving isn’t living. When Jim says, “How many of you know you are really alive?” It’s because most of us are zombies. There is so much more to life than being well-rounded.

The last time I saw Cirque du Soleil, I thought to myself, “Those people are really living!” I felt inspired (not to jump on the Death wheel) but to at least pour my full self into what I love. They may be unhappy for all I know, but at some point in their life they dedicated their whole self into something they were good at and that is pretty cool.

We don’t all have to be on the trapeze to know we are alive, but we should be living at our full capability…whatever that is.

I hope that if you are a parent, you will assist your child in growing their spirit according to their passions and skills and won’t try to live vicariously though them. Everyone should be allowed to be themselves. After all, our life is our own.

Giving my Plastic Soldiers some instruments to jam on,

Karen :)

“Where’s your will to be weird man? ~Jim Morrison

What Are You Stewing Over?

The written blog is an overview of the Video. The Video has more blithering nonsense from me. ;)

“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.” ~Mark Twain

I’ve been enjoying reading Mark Twain lately. When I feel especially detached from the things going on in the world, I strangely find comfort in the authors of yesteryears.

When I was a little girl, we had probably 50 stray cats on our farm at any given time. I know cats. I don’t know much else in life, but I knew enough not to try and carry one by its tail. It’s a perfect example of how to gain everlasting experience.

What I did do though is put the entire palm of my hand on a bright orange burner on the stovetop. Needless to say, I am very savvy in the kitchen now. The blisters formed identical circles. I was fortunate it healed, but I will never ever forget it.

I am especially sensitive to children near stoves because of it. I am an authority on the matter now!

It’s really tough to watch other people go for the burner or the cat’s tail and not interfere. If I think someone is going to injure themselves, I will absolutely yell at them. It’s like your child running on the road. You aren’t going to take the approach that they should just learn their own lesson.

But sometimes I find it difficult to leave people to their own lessons in matters of the heart. I am continuously screwing up and watching myself fall, but there are things I have experienced which I wish I could save others from having to go through. It’s part of why I blog on the topic of Depression and Isolation so much. It ruined such an enormous part of my life that I want to save others from going through it. I have learned to give up trying to control situations though. Control comes from either feeling out of control in your own life so you want to control someone else’s or you see someone going down a rough patch and you want to save them from it…especially when they seem, really out of control themselves.

I still find myself looking for solutions for those around me. This heavy stuff on my mind this week has been stewing a bit more than usual. The problem is I can’t get home right now for a bunch of reasons and I feel the emotional pull. I will go back soon but I need to get clear on my role. I still get hurled back to trying to find solutions for everyone especially since Mom is gone and it seems like the cubs are all fending for themselves. I keep forgetting I am also one of the cubs. So like them, I can alert the others to danger without Momma Bear around, but ultimately, we all have to go through our own struggles. This sits heavy with me. I totally know the right approach and yet here I am filled up with the heaviness of it all. It’s because I love them so much.

Worry isn’t proactive and isn’t helpful. It’s indicative of caring, but that’s about it. Stewing over the things back home doesn’t do anything. It’s just making me feel heavier.

Some of the things I mentioned feel like a child running across the street. Some life lessons shouldn’t end in death like the possible outcome of a car accident or what could have happened with this suicide attempt I alluded to. They indeed have the massive potential of instilling some lessons, but not everyone’s bottom is at the same depth.

I need to remind myself this week that my job is to keep in touch and show lots of love. I have to do it from a distance for now, but I’ll see them soon.

The biggest thing I am learning is how I need to give myself permission to let go a bit.

Life is super tough, but it’s not my responsibility to steer it. I have to realize the fine line between something being my responsibility or problem and keeping a good grip on my compassion. This is the balancing act. Too many people shut off their emotions altogether in order to not deal with something. I am unwilling to give up compassion.

Wearing oven mitts around the cat,

Karen :)

“Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.” ~Leo Buscaglia

Do You See The Peripheral Pain?

The written blog contains some of the Video Blog;

I never went to my Father’s funeral. This was a decision my Mother apologized for many times to me. I am not annoyed at her in the least. I think she wanted to protect me in some way. I was the youngest of four and she was a new widow. He died in a plane crash and so this was the ultimate Kung Fu kick our family received. She opted for me to stay home with a younger cousin and an older cousin stayed and watched us.

By not going to the funeral, I saw everything from a different angle. My home wasn’t usually sad and I heard a lot of people hugging, crying and saying sorry. I had a very weird memory of a guy delivering all the wreaths and flowers after to our house. He had a hook for a hand and I had some nightmares about him. Nobody was there to explain that he had no hand. I just thought it was bizarre.

It was perfectly bizarre to have every countertop and floor space in our home occupied by flowers. I think people give donations now a lot more, but back then, it was flowers…hundreds of them…creepy really.

Not too long ago, one of my cousins recalled my brother crying by a tree out back while everyone was congregating inside. I didn’t know that until quite recently. It showed me a couple of things. This cousin’s heart was big enough to notice something outside the hub and it also showed me that quite often the apparent catastrophe is not necessarily the only crisis.

This has been happening to me this week. The obvious sadness is Gramma’s death. I have been feeling it from siblings and cousins and have received lots of condolences and emails…thank you! But while this is going on, I am seeing all these overshadowed pockets of sadness going on in my peripheral.

Without talking about family and friends too much (because as I have said, they have not opted into my more public world) there are some other things happening which are of great concern. There was a car accident, a suicide attempt and some other things outside of the whole funeral situation which has been catching my peripheral much like my cousin spotting my brother crying under the tree years ago.

Gramma lived a very long life. I am super happy to have had such a fantastic lady at the top of our family. It’s obviously sad but sometimes I feel like our energy needs to go to where the immediate needs are. Sometimes the big news can distract us from the pain going on somewhere else.

Spotting peripheral pain isn’t something everyone is capable of doing. I am definitely trying to keep an eye out for it. It’s kind of like spotting a homeless person during a parade. You are there with family having a grand ol’ time and then someone in the family spots them. I am glad there are people like my cousin who spotted my brother.

This is the finest part of compassion. My Dad would have wanted people to comfort his children. My Gramma would want us to be taking care of these peripheral problems.

I don’t feel the need to go fix everyone though. This is a burden that has been lifted from me for a while now. I used to be so controlling that I thought if I could just elbow my way in, I could fix everyone. It turns out it’s me who needs the fixing and it’s them who needs my love.

Being available to simply listen can make a world of difference to someone. So, lots of phone calls right now.

Maybe there is someone who has been on your mind today who could use a phone call. We shouldn’t be waiting for someone to try to kill themselves to be available to them as a friend. We shouldn’t wait until there is a funeral or accident to be there for them.

Listening is easy, it does take time…but we find time for movies, internet and TV, so I am sure we can find time to listen.

Feeling heavy but not overwhelmed,

Karen :)

“If we are to change our world view, images have to change. The artist now has a very important job to do. He's not a little peripheral figure entertaining rich people, he's really needed.” ~Vaclav Havel