What Do You Consider a Deal Breaker?

‘What About Bob?’ is another movie I quote often. There is a scene where Bob tells his psychiatrist, “There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him.” Dr. Marvin responds with, “I see. So, what you're saying is that even though you are an almost-paralyzed, multi-phobic personality who is in a constant state of panic, your wife did not leave you, you left her because she... liked Neil Diamond?”

I only quote about 4-5 films you know. Anchorman, Dumb & Dumber…anything funny, really.

I hear so many reasons for why someone needs to get the boot. For me, I can’t have animal haters around. TOTAL deal breaker. :) It’s one thing if someone is truly allergic, but if you just hate them, that’s it for me! But even then, it’s not liking or hating animals, I just find people who hate animals aren’t going to gel with my personality and they’ll be sick of me soon enough, so best to save everyone future aggravation. I think someone who liked the opposite music as me would have to be a deal breaker, I couldn’t survive that. I don’t think Bob’s analogy in the movie was too far off IF that was what the problem was.

I had another friend who didn’t like that his current girlfriend had dated someone he knew. He felt it was something he just couldn’t get past but the clincher was that she told him she wanted to be a swinger and he didn’t…so, deal breaker.

Some people consider pack-rat-it is (a made up word for hoarding) or being a slob a deal breaker. Sometimes smoking, drugs or alcohol will be a deal-breaker. Cheating might be the biggest deal breaker.

I had someone block and delete me for not responding to him or clicking like on his FB posts saying he saw me respond to other people. I guess that was a deal breaker for him.

I received an email from a friend this morning who was concerned about taking his relationship with his girlfriend to a more serious level even though she was completely upfront with him about her past. I won’t go into details because I am learning more and more all the time that people are watching these videos. LOL! But, I will say he wondered if it was a deal breaker.

My thought is this; first and foremost, in my experience it’s the ones who are NOT honest about themselves who cause the problems. There are people who seem like the perfect suitor and then side-swipe you later without letting you in on it earlier. Two years into your marriage you find out they have a whole other family somewhere. If you love someone you are in a new relationship with, it shouldn’t be a deal breaker. It’s really best to put out all your cards on the table in the beginning to signify that it isn’t a competition. If someone has the decency to tell you something about their past and you say you are okay with it, you’ve been warned and you better not bring it up again. If someone tells you they love to smoke and you say, that’s ok and then spend the next 20 years nagging them to quit, you sort of brought that on yourself.

When someone tells you something about their past, I really see that as a sign of trust….that is, if they aren’t just saying it because you are bound to find out, I mean if they tell you because they love you enough to confide in you. Really, there is no law saying you have to tell a current partner everything about you.

Now I would think if the thing they told you seems like something that could cause current problems, you’d have to assess to see what is healthy for you. My experience in relationships has always been about people blind-siding me with new information well into the relationship. If someone seemed gentle and then became abusive a year into the relationship, I’d call it off…and I have.

Honestly, if we are waiting for ‘perfect’ in someone, look around…nobody is. But are they perfect for you?

It’s a fine line between asking someone to put up with too much and being tolerant of our flaws. Real friendship and real love doesn’t put all these rules and regulations on relationships, but then again…it’s a whole other ball-game when you live with someone.

If someone is super honest with you, that is pretty admirable and I really think that person deserves a medal in a society full of liars. If you think your relationship can handle some past problems and you are all about honesty and starting new, I don’t see why it would have to be a deal breaker.

If we all look in the mirror, we could probably see some faults that would make us unworthy of being in a relationship. If we are all honest and open with each other, we can choose who we hang with.

If someone calls it quits because you do something they don’t like, they were probably unwilling to look past anything that could potentially come up. In the case where I was blocked, if that was the worst fault he found with me, that I didn’t click ‘like’, I guess I still consider myself an ok person. My true friends cut me more slack than that!

Wondering if I should stop clicking like and stop responding to everyone just to see who will still like me in the end… I think I will have less than 10 friends left.

Karen :)

“No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

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