What’s Wrong With Me?

“What if you are in love with someone who’s not in love with you?”

I saw this question pop up after I had put up the ‘Do You Love Someone but You Don’t Like Them?’ video.

Well, I am sure the most consolidated answer from everyone will be, “Move on! Let it Go!” It would seem like the answer is that you can’t make someone love you who doesn’t, but even if you could, why would you want that anyways? The next step would be to tie them up like the movie Misery and hope they become your biggest fan. Unrequited love doesn’t seem like fun at all.

Love is more than a crush, it’s about letting go of control. The most love we can show to someone else is to let them choose because I believe like I’ve said before, the greatest gift we have been given is ‘choice’. You know the whole, “if you love something set it free…if it comes back to you, it’s yours, if it doesn’t it never was?” (later changed to hunt it down and kill it) Well, I believe if you love someone, just love them…without expectations. They are not something we own. Getting rid of the notion that a relationship is about ownership is probably a good start.

This question seems a lot like wishful thinking, but the sadder part is I believe it could be something more potentially damaging.

I think the follow-up question could be, ‘Why Don’t You Love Me?’ because a person can feel like they didn’t do enough to have the reciprocated love or they are not enough for them. Consequently, we feel like the world’s biggest screw-up when we feel like we are not good enough for their love. This can turn into, ‘What’s Wrong With Me?’ which is the scariest part of the scenario and that is what concerns me.

On our website thepublicrecord.com there is a band who are auditioning for the part for a girl in their music video. They thought instead of using Hollywood Casting Agents, they would reach out directly and ask girls to submit videos. When they pick the girl, many of the other girls are going to feel this way. They will lie in bed and wonder what is wrong with them. Casting happens all day long. For any TV Show, film or video, agents usually find the right people for the part. I have worked in casting and you may have remembered me saying it’s not about how good or pretty someone is, it’s all about if it’s a good fit for the overall project.

Some people feel like relationships work this way too. We feel like we are auditioning for the partner and they can make us do all sorts of tricks to see if we get the part. If we don’t get the part in the relationship, we wonder why they don’t love us, what is wrong with us and can be hurled into Depression because of it. Our Depression isn’t simply longing for them, but also feeling really bad about how worthless we are.

The auditioning analogy shouldn’t be a part of relationships, but even if it was, it would hold the same true premise. The two of you together just isn’t a good fit. If the rest of us zoomed in on it, we’d clearly see that if the love was not equally reciprocated, then it’s a doomed relationship. For the person sitting there feeling rejection, it’s not as easy.

I personally don’t want any relationship where the person doesn’t want to be with me. I am not going to do a bunch of tricks to ‘trick’ them into loving me. I believe we are better than that!

Outside of all of this, I feel like we’ve become way too focused on romantic relationships anyways. What if we have a bigger job and the diversion of another person is distracting us? How can we ever know what lies ahead when we are stuck in the past? If someone doesn’t love us, they don’t love us. It shouldn’t feel like rejection, it shouldn’t be that we have to adjust who we are to make them love us. It’s no wonder plastic surgery is at an all-time high!

Of course, I have to ask; what kind of person are you interested in if you are willing to go through hell in changing yourself? If they are truly worth fighting for, I think there shouldn’t be such a fight. It should come pretty seamlessly and quite naturally. That’s the awesome kind of love; given freely, given unconditionally.

So yeah, MOVE ON my friend! Your exciting life is waiting for you!

Wondering where I would find the time to obsess over someone in my day,

Karen :)

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”
~Charles M Schultz

1 comment:

  1. This is so ridiculously on point for me right now Karen. Thank you so much for this. I have done the what's wrong with me, thing..but when that doesn't work I switch to "blaming" this person and trying to change my feelings by telling myself that they are just assholes who are playing with my emotions when I know it's not fair to them or true. I've had to stop myself several times from going down that road. So now I've just learned to accept what I feel and go with it, expecting nothing more from them than the friendship we already have and my feelings will either go away or they won't and what you say makes sure I stop doubting myself. So thank you.