Bleeding Hearts

I was called a "Bleeding Heart" once. It was derogatory and mean. I was told I was overly sensitive, a cry-baby, unstable and volatile. I have been called many things, but the "Bleeding Heart" ticked me off the most. We're not talking about a scene (Bleeding Heart Yard) in a Charles Dickens novel.

Although metaphorically, I guess I was made to feel that way. lol

I was the most upset by it because I came to someone with a need and was told, "the world is tough, you gotta pull up your socks...nobody needs another bleeding heart like you. Get over it."
Well, suffice to say my heart went from bleeding to crushed. Like I don't know the freaking world is tough! It's such a condescending, militant stance.

I was mostly bothered by it because it took everything I had to ask for help only to have my emotions packaged that way. I did learn this was not a good friend for me, obviously, but the bleeding heart label stuck with me for enough years to stop discussion of any kind with anyone.

I received an email from a friend here on myspace this week. When she originally emailed me, she said she didn't want to bother me. I instinctively assumed I was viewed as unapproachable, but after some email exchange, I realized she was a highly intelligent person who was simply hurting. It turns out she was just trying be respectful of me when she said she didn't want to bother me, but I guess I have been turned away enough times from people that I built up these calluses where I was scared I was being thought of as unapproachable. Ah, even when we think our baggage has been dumped in the sea, another suitcase rears its ugly head. In this case, my suitcase has the person in it who called me a bleeding heart. (Shall try to dump that one in the sea also).

She had a question for me. I asked her if I could post it on here in the hopes of starting a Q and A blog. The reason isn't because I am trying to prove I am easy to talk to, but because I would like the opportunity to answer some questions any of you may have if it assists either you or others on here in reading it. I'm no Ann Landers, but I feel like I have lived the life of an 80 year old
woman sometimes!

I also love the people in this community. I think if we start this, there are enough great thinkers on here who could also answer questions.

I'll start with her question. She said I could post it. I said I would not post who it was.

"I was wondering, how'd you find your way from where you used to be to where you are now? I'm speaking psychologically, from mentally bad to mentally good. I hate to ask, it's not who I am, but didn't know what else to do. Was it just a way to constructively express yourself or was there some sort of insight or perception change? Just one person who can't seem to find the bottom asking one person who's already finding their way back up."

Here is my partial response;

"I'm not sure I am confidant enough to say I am 'mentally good'. LOL
I guess my good days are finally outranking the bad ones, but it's been years of getting here. I did let go of one thing I found to be helpful. "Control".Basically, the words of a therapist I met with years ago still ring true. He said, "When you have expectations of people, you WILL be disappointed."I am realizing we are all butterflies here. Nobody controls anyone and yet we somewhere along the way thought that was ok. So, when someone hurts us, we shouldn't be offended. They are seeking their own path. I also quit caring so much about what people thought about me. I also am approaching life with a sense of purpose, meaning I feel like I have bigger jobs to do than just chase my own goals. I try to be attentive every day to where I am supposed to be and what I need to do. It releases me from feeling like I have obligations.' For the greater good' may be a good way to say it. :)"

Please feel free to post your questions in this blog, I will answer best I can inside this thread. If you see a question from someone else on here that you feel you have some experience in answering, please feel free to do so. I don't like the idea of anyone feeling like their hurts don't matter. Sure hearts are bleeding, but saying "the world is tough" and to "get over it", isn't helpful. It's obvious we should count our blessings. It's obvious there is always someone way worse off. Just because someone has bigger problems than you, doesn't give anyone the right to diminish what is hurting you right now.

Have a great day!!
Karen

"Pay mind to your own life, your own health, and wholeness. A bleeding heart is of no help to anyone if it bleeds to death." ~Frederick Buechner