"People May Care, but I Feel Like Nobody Understands"

You may have noticed the last two entries are in quotes. They aren’t statements I am making, but am quoting others. But thank you ever so much for being concerned! As I have said before, I am no stranger to them.
The last entry was crazy busy with response, huh? I read them all while they were being entered and it seems everyone gets it…whether or not it’s a sentiment you share, you at least understand. I decided to follow up with this entry because I noticed many people commenting on feeling loved or feeling like others cared about them but feeling misunderstood like nobody ‘gets them’.

Have you ever run into someone whether at a party or bus stop where someone actually said something where you wanted to jump at them and say, "YES!!! SEE…YOU GET IT!" They could be talking about some relationship they had with a spouse, parent or child, they could be talking about music, politics or religion, but you were left with the sense that this person must have been divinely sent to you or they were conceived to be your soul-mate.

The reason this is so awesome to us (and foreign even) is because I believe it instills or reinstalls the magic we had as a child. There were things that happened in our very young days that had no explanation. Things seemed simpler then. For the most part we felt like we could run through meadows even while living in a city. Our spirit felt more free to be alive and be ourselves. If you evoked creativity in others around you, they would play back and participate in your improv.

When I started acting years ago in Toronto, I took improv classes. The teacher said his number one rule of improv was, "Don’t say no." This doesn’t mean roll over and let someone kick you, this means if someone has an idea, say yes to it, roll with it and let the scene play out. His analogy was that most improv failed when someone would start with an idea and the other actor would shut the idea down with a brick wall instead of playing along. I personally believe the happy people will play along a bit. Please don’t mistake this for being some spineless jellyfish who doesn’t stand up for themselves, but this topic is geared towards people FEELING AWFUL with some possible analogies of why this is. In my own childhood (which I believe was so far the happiest period of my life) we didn’t necessarily understand each other in some deep metaphorical scenario, but we did play along.

But people don’t act like that growing up, they formulate opinions. We engage in debate (which clearly are more arguments than good healthy debate for the most part.} For some reason, we feel like if someone doesn’t agree with it, they must not "get us". I kind of think what happens is we would like to be understood, but our counterpart is not playing along. Perhaps they are not listening to what we are saying. For the most part we enjoy being heard.

This is logical. We take the time to prepare our opinion as we don’t enjoy it falling on deaf ears. It’s the difference between not hearing and not listening. I’m pretty sure our trumpet-like shouting is heard, but whether someone is listening to us is definitely up for debate.

I’ve shifted into listening mode lately. It’s a strange place for me. (you may be suspicious of that statement considering the amount of writing I can spew…lol) I had a lifetime of feeling misunderstood until I met one person in particular who was such a good listener and so bright that I finally thought, "Oh good listener and smart? Hmmm, wonder if the two are supposed to come together." I will throw the word content in there too. This person is all three. So, I thought if I started listening more, maybe I could learn what it means to understand. If I can learn to understand, perhaps I too could be understood.

So this was my mission to be a better communicator in order to be understood. But then guess what has been happening to me? Not only am I less concerned about being understood (although as you can see, I am typing a bunch of stuff in a way that I can be better understood…lol) but I am letting go of the things that are no big deal. I am analyzing the areas of my life where I made a big deal out of something and it seems to not be so important that I am understood on it. So all in all, one could say I am picking my battles. When I pick which things are brutally important to me, I can make an intelligent case for it that has a better chance of me being understood than by being assessed as a whiner who constantly becomes the mosquito in the ears of others. Then, they don’t want to listen. It’s my 101 portion of communication that I am trying to grasp.

But as you can see, I am still all over the place, but that’s what writing installments are good for. It flushes it all out. :)

So, believe me I get it. I know it’s painful to not be heard, to not be understood. I know the feeling of not having another person in the universe who shares the same core values, interests or opinions. But I believe it starts with us. We don’t have to all agree in order to have sympathy. We don’t have to play a character we don’t like when we play along. And maybe, just maybe the people who we think don’t understand us are sitting in a big old chair feeling perfectly misunderstood as well.

Or you could do what some other people have done here and hook up with other people in this forum.

We have a great bunch! LOL!

"The tragedy begins, not when there is misunderstanding about words, but when silence is not understood." Henry David Thoreau

1 comment:

  1. LOL a side by side lol..ok ~ rockin..first no one likes me blog.. then this one where people may care/don't understand~ rockin.. I get and got that alot where people "seem" to care, and DON't understand..I think they just don't wanna understand cuz they DON'T care..lol..that's fine with me..It ends the SEEMING~! Should be a horror film title " The Seeming" LOL ~ and then I can move away from people who are fake ..I have never been fake or just seem to care..I do or don't and act one it..When I am not ;shyed down by my stoopid fers I commacate well.. but Alotta thinks I can't with people cuz its heavey and I don't wanna burden them or have someone talk out of my life again cuz of it..I can deal with my heavey alone, it's just sometimes I wish I didn't have to..and somethings are just better not said~ lol..I have always been a good listen and at the moment I feel pist off taht I am in a box of shitty emotions I can't say cuz there's resons, resons and more resons not to..Thats fine..I got it out anyways..lolXXX You rock ~! Good blog.. I like that your open with shit lol..X not to many people are..they paint a different picture...You don't..and you got a funny sence of humour too..and I like the way you bring shit across and encourage peolpe~!