When Something Feels Like IT!

The strangest thing in the world has my mind all reflective today. You know how on myspace they have ad banners that show the 'Sleepy Baby Chick', 'The Dolphin Head butt' etc? Well, there is one that has this contorted girl on a pool table.

Ok, so that picture will take 1 million minds in possibly 1 million directions, but I'll tell you where MY mind went. LOL

When I was a teenager, we had a pool hall downtown where my brother and I would go to "shoot some pockets" HA! (and no, I did not do anything remotely close to what that girl did on the pool table) Tino ran the joint. We'd buy cigarettes from him and play only a few songs from the jukebox we liked. One was Van Halen, "Dance the Night Away" and the other was Ratt, "Round and Round". Then there was a bunch of other garbage, but those two stay front and center in my mind.

It's bizarre to think I even hung out there. My teen years went through a flurry of numerous fashions and modes. I bounced around from Metal to New Wave and a bunch of bits and pieces in between. I was thinking back to a guy I was dating at the time. He was a biker and was a "bad boy". This guy lived close to the pool hall, so I could always count on meeting him there. The way to get to the pool hall was to go with my brother as Mom wouldn't have allowed it otherwise. My brother was known for "laying guys out flat" if they crossed me. So, I always felt safe. It took a while for my brother to warm up to him, but he was ok with it.

One of the things I thought at that time was, "This guy is IT!" The one for me!!! THE soul mate...and all that crazy malarkey we feed our brains. Well, relationship after relationship, I kept thinking THIS IS THE ONE! EVERY BLOODY TIME! Looking back through each one, I can't believe I thought any of them were. Where was my mind?

How can a person know so definitively that another person is THE ONE? At the time, we are a thousand percent positive they are.

I don't look at anything like that anymore. Call it extreme disappointment or massive fear of future failure, but since I have taken the stance where I allow life to unfold itself, I don't stress about the fairytales anymore. Now, I believe that stuff matters less and less. I now believe that my purpose is greater than my dreams. I believe we sometimes pass through one another's life for a time. This could be a few seconds, a minute, days, months or years. Is it completely necessary to view life as falling in love and dying together? I think it's fantastic to hear stories like that. My grandparents (both sets) were married over 50 years, so I know it does happen. But why are some people alone forever? Is their purpose any less significant than someone who lives out the honeymoon, marriage, children and grandchildren? What if that is simply not part of their greater plan and purpose?

I'm past the point of making something "IT". It's a shame I spent so much of my life looking for it. I have an uncle who flat lined two times in one year due to pancreatitis. It sure changed his views. He said he planned on taking his grandkids to Disneyland, but he was going to take a lot of time getting there and wanted to make lots of stops along the way. His point being the journey is just as important if not more so, than the destination.

Glad to be past the pool hall phase of my journey, although I hope God doesn't have any future big jobs for me to do there.... shudders...... PHEW!


"Do more than exist, LIVE.
Do more than touch, FEEL.
Do more than look, OBSERVE.
Do more than read, ABSORB.
Do more than hear, LISTEN.
Do more than listen, UNDERSTAND.
Do more than think, PONDER.
Do more than talk, SAY SOMETHING."~ John H. Rhoades

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