Negative Control

I’m so very tired of Negative Control.

Have you ever been in a controlling relationship? It could be something as simple as your spouse telling you what car you should buy or whether you are “allowed” out on Saturday night with your friends. Control creeps into everything; Politics, Religion, Relationships, Parenting. It’s not that the word itself is evil of course. We need to have control over ourselves so we don’t kill people. Keeping control of your car means you don’t slam into other cars. Reining in your emotions means you don’t hurt other’s feelings and you have something constructive to add.

But to live truly free means you get to make your own decisions whether or not others agree with them. Whether they are right or wrong is not the issue. Yes Police have to maintain control over cities so that the people stay safe. Government has to have some control in decision making (some, I said) but the area where control bothers me today is in Religion. You see, to be spiritual or religious is a personal experience. You get to believe what you want, worship where you want and have your own opinion. But, what I feel you don’t get to do (this could be argued as me trying to control it) is control what others believe. You may actually be right about your beliefs. Of course, you think you are right because you have proof to back it, yes?

I am very thankful there are those people out there who feel convicted enough to stand up for their beliefs and maintain some integrity. I do not take issue with solid, back-boned people who are truly passionate about a cause. But I wish that the element of control didn’t have to enter this. Let me play Devil’s Advocate here for a minute. Let’s pretend that your belief system is 100% accurate. Is it at all possible to allow others the same freedom to believe what they want no matter how wrong you think it is? Are you so convinced you are not only right but know what is best for others that you have to gang up and bring a law into place about it? Could you not just work on your own character instead and work on showing more love and tolerance?

Needless to say, I am very sad about Prop 8 staying. Banning Gay Marriage is an awfully gloomy part of our history and I have always been very proud of California in general (even though not all California residents feel this way) for being tolerant up until this. Please understand I am not here to argue about whether being gay is right or wrong or whether the term marriage or civil union is correct. I am pretty sure most people know my stance on that. My main issue is in this blog is that I cannot believe people can put such a huge amount of effort into controlling the choices, actions, beliefs and character of other people. I am sure there are those out there who are arguing to “Let them have their “civil union” title, but they can’t have OUR title.”

I feel strongly that this is control. I believe negative control is laced with fear.

It reminds me of the time an African American man wandered onto my Gramma’s farm and she put him up for the night and fed him. Nobody in her entire village had ever seen a black man before. It was scary to them. Fear of the Unknown and all that… I’ve said before that travel breeds tolerance, but somehow Gramma had it from her rocking chair.

What exactly are we so afraid of? Are Gay people aliens from another planet here to gobble up your children? Will putting them all on an island keep your children safe from predators? Will allowing them to use the marriage title send a wrong message to your children? It’s absolutely ridiculous.

You may not like this, and you may not agree; but I am willing to bet your children will grow up to be more tolerant than you. Why? Well, I guess I am just hoping they will be…but I think the bigoted blood thins as it goes down the generations. I am extremely proud of the youth of today.
I bet if Gramma Stever were alive today, she would quote her Bible and say, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” And “Love one Another”.(Of course she was an angel in all fairness) ;) But it seems the Religious Right saturated in this movement to ban Gay Marriage don’t like to use those ones. Those verses are not nearly as controlling nor do they back their cause. They are forgotten scripture that don’t serve much help in telling others what they are allowed to do and what they can’t do.

I’m sure many will throw the same scriptures at me to back it that I have been assaulted with time and time again. But ok, even if you are right (and I am not saying you are) you can’t quote me anything where God told you to control the choices and rights of others. I think God is cooler than that. My personal belief is he loved us enough to allow us to choose. Can we not love others enough to afford them the same rights? We are supposed to be finding ways to bridge the gaps and yet here we are in the year 2009 finding more ways to be divisive.

Even though I believe what my Gramma believed, I am finding more non-judgmental spirits and unconditional love outside of religion. Crazy, huh?

Many unreligious people seem to ‘get it’ more than the religious. Too funny. That should cause embarrassment, but sadly, it just doesn’t.

Anywho, that was longggggggggggggg. lol

Hope you are doing great!
Karen

So, let's make it longer!!! :)Seeing as I quoted some Christian stuff, I thought I would add these other ones that are pretty much the same thing. I really don’t think religion is the problem, I think it’s the use of religion as a controlling weapon that is the issue. You know, kind of like guns don’t kill, people do.

“A man holding a basket of eggs, does not dance on stones.” ~Nigerian Proverb

“He who sees others’ faults is ever irritable. His corruptions grow.” ~Buddhism

“The vile are ever prone to detect the faults of others, though they be as small as mustard seeds, and persistently shut their eyes against their own, though they be as large as Vilva fruit.” ~Hinduism

“If you want to criticize someone, first criticize yourself more than three times.” ~Unification Church

“Happy is the person who finds fault with himself instead of finding fault with others.” ~Islam

“Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star.” Confucius

“All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness. The important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.” ~Dalai Lama