Have You Switched Over?

I was not popular most of my childhood. But I really wanted to be. When highschool hit, I grew legs and alot of hair. I got popular. Most of my teen years were in turmoil emotionally, but I had alot of potential partners snooping around. I confused their attention for their respect. I worked in several professions but I liked acting and songwriting the most.

The problem with those choices of professions is that you also confuse the attention of people for their respect. So, I started hanging out in studios to show off my skills and try and gain the attention of other producers. They just saw legs and hair too. And if you have any self-esteem issues you will understand that I took that kind of attention because it was better than nothing.

In looking back at my life, I spent countless hours primping in front of the mirror. You basically stand there and wonder who will look at you that day. In the nightlife scenarios, I wanted to be THE chick that turned heads in the bar, not just one of them.

I am almost embarrassed in looking back at it...and although it's fashionable to say, "Oh I don't have any regrets...life is one big lesson, yadda yadda yadda" I did regret those times because I could have used my time more wisely for personal growth. Like for instance. I write alot. (lol...didja notice?) So I wished I wouldn't have skipped typing classes instead of taking the afternoon off from school to go joy-riding in the back of some friend's pick-up truck. (ewwwwww...wow...that was stupid.ha!)

All for attention. Ridiculous.

But what time in life should a person switch over? We all want children to concentrate in school so they can have awesome careers. So we would prefer them concentrate on building their brains coming out of the womb! When I say switch over, I mean go from caring what others think to caring about our own growth. When is it time to let go of the hairspray and make-up and curl up with a book? When is it time to stop going to the bar on Saturday night and take up an instrument so we can jam on Saturday nights instead?

I don't have an issue with socializing, my issue was "unfulfilled" socializing. ...the kind where you go home feeling as empty as before you went.

What I mean by switching over isn't me saying we should all "grow up", but for me personally, I think it's about reaching a time where self-discovery happens. Instead of seeking the attention of others, would it be better to learn a new skill? Instead of spending the time on physical appearance that masks good health, maybe go work-out instead and change our eating habits? When is ok to start wearing flat shoes if they are more comfortable instead of high heels to impress others?

The hard balance is that many will feel like they are "getting old" if they get rid of some of the things they equate with youth. I was not into giving up those things either! This is really about freeing our minds of what others think of us. You'll hear me say a million times, "When I quit caring what others thought of me is when I became truly free." This is what I mean.

Are you currently free? Have you switched over to this kind of freedom?

It's a beautiful thing to not feel tied to the things we do to impress others. Why is attention so important? Is it not more important to have a purpose?

While I do have the respect of my peers in the music industry, I don't require it now. You know why? I am far too busy being emerged in creativity and doing the things I love to do to even notice. Being free to create is one of the most amazing things ever. But, you can only do it when you don't care what others think. I do love to share what I do with others, but their stamp of approval isn't necessary. We all enjoy compliments and kindness though. I try my best to be encouraging of others according to what their purpose is. I'm not always perfect at it, but I try not to EXPECT anyone to look or act a certain way. The world is comprised of unique individuals who are masking their individuality by coloring their world the color they think others want to see.

What is truly interesting to me is to see the real colors. Even if those colors are black or white. We need to be true to who we are.

I guess the question, "Have you switched over?" could be better stated as "Have you found YOU again?" ...or for the first time even? :)

I'm eating brownies for breakfast today...and I don't care. (it's ok, it's just fun, not my every day habit...LOL)


When you please others in hopes of being accepted, you lose your self-worth in the process." Dave Pelzer

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